


When the past comes back to haunt you

by Cards_Against_My_Patience



Series: cards can't stop projecting onto taz characters [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Eventual Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Rape/Non-con, Sexual Assault, Trans Male Character, aka me once again projecting heavily onto the character I most identify with, it is based on my own experiences with sexual assault and abuse, this is a huge vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-11-28 11:58:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11417496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cards_Against_My_Patience/pseuds/Cards_Against_My_Patience
Summary: It was just supposed to be a shopping trip planetside. Taako wasn't expecting to see him, but you can only run from your past for so long.





	1. The unexpected

**Author's Note:**

> I don't condone anything done in this fan fic in the vein of sexual assault, abuse or rape. I know first hand how much it can fuck someone up. I wrote this because I needed an outlet to get out my feelings and projecting heavily onto characters I find relatable seems to be how I do it. Hope you like my venting and if anyone finds something they think I should tag as a trigger warning please let me know, last thing I want is to hurt someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't condone anything done in this fan fic in the vein of sexual assault, abuse or rape. I know first hand how much it can fuck someone up. I wrote this because I needed an outlet to get out my feelings and projecting heavily onto characters I find relatable seems to be how I do it. Hope you like my venting and if anyone finds something they think I should tag as a trigger warning please let me know, last thing I want is to hurt someone.

It started as good day. The worst days always started out good. Everything awful in his life always looked so bright in the beginning.

 

He and Kravitz had a date later that night, and after a long time fighting with himself on the subject Taako decided to try and make him dinner. It was just supposed to be a shopping trip planetside, going to Neverwinter and getting the supplies he needed. Angus, after finding out his mentor was going, and after what Taako assumed was a reasonable amount of resistance to seem as if he didn’t want Angus to come, tagged along to the Neverwinter shopping district.

 

Angus’ face radiated excitement, “I can’t wait! Ms.Jessabelle said she had the new Caleb Cleveland : Kid Cop book on hold for me!”

 

“That’s good Agnes.” Taako said checking his nails, Angus looking over at the perfectly maintained manicure. 

 

“You’re going to paint mine when we get back to the moon right sir?”

 

“Sure thing kiddo.” He said ruffling the curls on the detective's head, “Now head over to Jessie’s shop. Sure she’s dying to see you. I’ll pick you up in forty five.” The half orc bookseller, one of the many people hypnotized by the powerful platonic affection miasma surrounding Angus, practically doubles as a babysitter whenever Taako goes shopping and would gladly wreck anyone giving the kid a hard time. However wanting to fuck someone up for Angus’ safety is practically a universal constant.

 

The kid in question pushes up his glasses, hugs Taako and runs into the store. This adorable little shit is gonna be the death of him. 

 

He catches his reflection in a shop window on the way to the Fantasy Whole Foods, no real surprise but he looks fine as hell. He turns on his stone of far-speech and rings up Kravitz, “Hello? Taako?”

 

“Babe, you’ll never believe how cute I look right now. Never say I don’t have a fine ass choice in fashion.”

 

He laughs and it’s like music, “Did you really call me just to tell me you look great?”

 

“Fuck yeah my dude. You’re the only one who can truly appreciate my clothing.”

 

“That’s a surprising compliment coming from the man who makes fun of me for only having formal wear.”

 

“Hey, just because you don’t understand the meaning of casual wear doesn’t mean you don’t have style. However my style is vastly superior, I mean would you look at this skirt?”

“Love, stones of far-speech don’t show me how you look. But hopefully I get to see it on you tonight.”

 

Kravitz can hear the flirty lilt to Taako’s voice, “Is that a request?”

 

“I- um, well, yes. I suppose.” Taako can’t believe how lucky he is when he talks to this man. Who else can say they regularly make literal death flustered?

 

“Tell me handsome, did I just make you melt into your work face?”

 

“Darling, I am at work. Are you implying I was wearing my handsome face?”

 

“Yes, ‘cause you’re just the kind of nerd who’d do that even when I can’t see your cute ass reaction.”

 

The line goes silent for a second before the sound of the bounty hunter clearing his throat is heard on the other line, “I hate that you’re right.”

 

“Holy shit are you serious?” Taako laughs, “Keep up that shit and I can guarantee you’ll be seeing me in a lot less than this fine ass skirt later.”

 

“Oh?” The line is silent for just a moment, “ _ Oh. _ ” What Taako wouldn’t give to see Kravitz right now. Honestly it’d be hard to hold back from kissing that dork if he was right in front of him. “Well, I’d love to keep talking love, but I have to get the rest of this paperwork done. I wouldn’t want anything hanging over my head when we’re together, I just want to focus on being with you.”

 

“Fucking sap,” Taako smiles, this man is going to be the literal death of him. “See you tonight handsome.”

 

He can’t walk down the street without thinking about that man and his words and his stupid hot face. How’d he get someone so charming by saying he was gonna tentacle his dick when he first met him. He’s gotta be crazy. 

 

The Fantasy Whole Foods is fucking paradise. While Fantasy Costco has food, and it’s closer being on the moon, but Garfield jacks up the prices for the good shit something fierce and Taako isn’t about to give away any blood today. It also has a larger selection of specialty foods, things that you would have to use magic to get if you don’t buy it. (He can’t risk it.)

 

It’s gotta be perfect for date night. 

 

It’s an incredible experience watching Taako shop for when he cooks. While the finished product is baller as hell getting the supplies is just as impressive. He practically glides down aisles, grabbing things from shelves and only needs to take a brief glance to know if it’s what he needs, finding the good shit like it’s no ones buisness. He checks his basket; chicken, lemon, thyme… only has to get his hands on some white truffle oil and he’ll be back and cooking with time to spare. Efficiency is his bitch today. He hopes Kravitz likes it. (you fed them their deaths.)

 

White truffle oil is fucking heavenly, that shit is gonna be his one way ticket to make-out city. He can do this. He can cook for Kravitz tonight. He finds the white truffle oil and grabs it.

 

“Never expected to see you near food again sweetheart.”

 

Taako hears the bottle shatter on the floor long before he can even register he dropped it. His blood runs cold, his hands are clammy and suddenly he can’t breathe. He knows it can’t be him, he can’t be here.

 

Then a familiar hand is on his shoulder, large and calloused. He’s hyperventilating. He’s turned around so their face to face. Taako can’t look, he doesn’t want to fucking look.

 

He has to breathe, he’s going to faint if he doesn’t, needs to do something. Scream for help, hit the man in front of him, something to get him away. He knows it doesn’t matter, he’d be getting what he wants. He always got off on Taako struggling. He’s screaming at himself in his mind, just don’t stutter. “How a-are you Sazed…..” He wants to die.

 

He closes in, “I’ve been traveling, living my life, remembering how you murdered forty people.” Taako was frozen. That bastard… he knew that it wasn’t his fault. Sazed turns his neck, looking at the smashed bottle on the floor, the smell is heavy in the air. “You’re really cooking again?”

 

His eyes are burning into his skull, looking at him like he always did when they were in the caravan. He just wanted him to stop staring. But he’s worried Sazed is right. How could he be cooking after… forty people…. But Sazed was who poisoned it. (But you were the one who served it.) “Yes. I’m cooking f-for someone.” Shame washed over him at how pathetic he sounded.

 

“Let me guess, you’re whoring yourself out to some rich sugar daddy. You’re gonna kill him, take all his dough.” Taako winces. Kravitz isn’t… he’s not like Sazed. (he’s right you are a whore.)

 

“No, I… I just… i-it’s with someone special. He’s- It’s not- I’m not….”

 

Taako flinches at Sazed’s laugh. It’s like he’s back in the caravan. “Is that really what you think? Let me guess you think he loves you. He’s in it for an easy fuck, what else? I guess people really don’t change. You’re still just a cheap piece of ass.” Kravitz doesn’t think that. (he’s going to leave you when he gets what he wants.) Sazed snakes his arm around Taako before yanking him up on his toes to whisper in his ear. Taako shutters, his breath is hot and disgusting, he hates it. “But you’ll always be my piece of ass, right sweetie?”

He feels sick. Sazed growls deep in his throat, before repeating himself, “Right sweetie?”  Sazed grabs his waist hard, Taako whimpering at the pain, his hand squeezing hard enough to no doubt leave a generously sized bruise later. It always bruises. 

 

He swallows hard, knowing what he wants, knowing if there’s anything he learned it’s to give him what he wants. Nothing good ever came from resisting Sazed. “A-Always” He choked out. He feels light headed.

 

Taako’s feet are dropped to the floor as Sazed releases his waist and draws closer, Taako stuck between him and the shelf. He lets out a deep throated chuckle sending ice through his veins. “You still know just what I like after all these years. Even wearing what I like, that one used to be my favorites.” He says looking at the skirt. “You’re so hot.”

 

Sazed sighs, eyeing Taako over, “I want you back. Call me when the play date is over babe. I’ll be waiting.” He lunges forward taking Taako by surprise and his lips are on his. It’s nothing like Kravitz, it’s rough, demanding, cold. He flinches when he feels Sazed grab his ass. He can feel tears stinging at his eyes. He can’t let them spill, he doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction. He can’t- “Taako? Sir?” No. “Taako? It’s been over an hour, you said you’d be back to pick me up from the bookshop by now.”

 

Sazed pulls away, jamming his fist into Taako’s pocket and pulling out the stone of far-speech. He growls and pulls Taako close. He eyes the stone and then Taako, “Sazed please, don’t drag Angus into this, please I-” He presses the button to answer the call.

 

“You’re not normally late Taako. I’m starting to get worried….”

 

Taako’s frozen. He can’t tip Angus off, can’t let him know what’s happening, he can’t bring  him into this. Sazed put his head on Taako’s shoulder, whispering in his ear, “Go on baby.” He tries his hardest not to stutter. “Wassup Ango? Don’t worry about me, the line’s just long. I’ll be over there as soon as I can.”

 

“Oh, good you’re there Taako. Okay, do you want me to walk over? It might be faster sir.”

 

Sazed starts biting at Taako’s shoulder right under where his shirt would cover it. Angus is  _ not _ coming anywhere near here. “Just, hang there with Jessie kid. I’ll be there soon.”

 

“Okay, I’ll be ready when you get here. You’re still going to paint my nails before your date with Kravitz, right sir?”

 

He’s sucking at the bite, Taako’s wincing. “Sure thing pumpkin. I’ll see you soon.”

 

“Okay, bye Taako!”

 

The stone stops making noise. Sazed pulls back from Taako’s shoulder, smiling. “Good boy. You did so well.” 

 

He crashes his face to Taako’s once more, biting his lip and shoving his tongue into his mouth. He tastes like cheap whisky and smoke, an all too familiar feeling Taako hoped he’d never have to experience again. It feels like forever until he’s finally released, a strand of saliva trailing from his mouth to Sazed’s.

 

He whispers into Taako’s ear once more, “See you soon babe.” finally letting go on the last word. It’s taking all of his energy to keep standing. Taako flinches as Sazed brushes away a tear trailing down his cheek, dark with watery mascara. He got what he wanted again. Sazed always got what he wanted.

 

The grabs a bottle of white truffle oil in his calloused hand and throws it into Taako’s basket before turning the corner and leaving the aisle. His ears are ringing and he doesn’t move until an employee nudges him to move so he can clean up the shattered bottle on the floor. His head is spinning, he can’t hear the employee ask if he needs help, and he sets the basket on the floor before rushing to the bathroom. He heaves into the toilet the second the door is closed. His body is burning, how could he let that happen again, why didn’t he do something, why didn’t he scream, fight back, something. He can still taste him making him throw up again.

 

Taako mutters to himself, “Why the fuck did I never learn calm emotions….” He’s trying not to get worked up. (It’s no big deal stop being so weak.) Sazed’s gone. (You deserved that.) He stands up, shaking as he looks in the mirror, his mascara is dripping down his face, his lip is cracked where it was bitten and his hair is slightly disheveled. He’s drowning in shame, he was right, he is a cheap slut. Why would anyone honestly tolerate him.

 

He can’t feel his feet hit the floor when he leaves. It’s a blur of getting the basket, paying and then opening the door to Jessabelle’s bookstore. He can’t remember walking there. The bell to the shop jingles when Taako enters, then he feels arms around his waist and flinches, pushing whatever grabbed him off. He’s breathing heavily and not focused until he sees Angus, looking at him with wide eyes behind his glasses, grimacing at Taako.

 

“S-Sir, are you okay. I-I’m sorry I was just worried. It’s been over twenty minutes since I called. I should’ve asked before hugging you I’m sorry!”

 

He can feel his heart break. (What did you just do) Jessabelle is standing at the counter, as much confusion on her face as Angus. “Agnes, don’t worry you just startled me is all. I’m fine, just a bit jumpy today.”

 

He’s clearly not convinced. Taako tries to change the subject, “Thanks for watching him Jessie, He didn’t cause too much trouble did he?”

 

“Not at all Taako. My date mate Synth came by earlier on their break  from the bakery and brought this little guy some cookies.” She comes out from behind the counter, kneeling down to Angus, tussling his hair. “This boy is nothing but a delight.”

 

Angus blushes, looking away from the half orc book seller. “Ms.Jessa you’re embarrassing me.”

He quickly glances back at his mentor, trying not to make it obvious he’s suspicious. “I’ll see you later Ms.Jessa, we’ve gotta get home soon because Taako’s gonna paint my nails when we get home and he still has to prepare for his date with his boyfriend.”

 

“Bye ya little muffin,” Jessa says before they boys leave the shop. Angus can tell something is wrong. Taako is out of it, obviously out of it in a way he’s never seen him before, only excluding the week after they came back from their mission to collect the temporal challice. They walk in silence until they exit the city and call a glass pod to bring them back to the moon.

 

Angus looks at Taako, looking out the window, trying to find the best way to break tension. “Taako… I’m not sure what happened but if something bad happened while we were in Neverwinter I really want to know. I want to help.”

 

The tension Taako was trying to bottle up was obvious, he didn’t so much as look at Angus. “It’s nothing you need to worry about kid. It’s adult stuff.”

 

“You’ve never been this jumpy before besides when you came back from Refuge.”

 

That obviously struck a chord. “Angus please… I need you to drop it. I-I saw someone I was hoping I’d never see again. It brought back memories. Bad memories.”

 

Angus can see Taako shake slightly. “Taako was… were you… did they hurt you? I... have my suspicions why you don’t want to talk about it but-”

 

“I’ll paint your nails when we get back but that’s it. I’m not going to answer any questions. It’s better that way. We’re not talking about this again.”

 

The thick silence drops over them once again, uncomfortable and quiet until they get back to the bureau of balance.

 

They return to the docking bay, both of them returning to the dorms. Angus looked down at his book bag. “Sir, you don’t have to do anything for me today. I understand that you need to be alone.”

 

“Angus really I’m fine.”

 

“Even if you are I still… i don’t want to upset you again. I’m sorry. But before I go back to my room I need to give you something.” Angus opens the book bag and rummages around for a few seconds before pulling out a small envelope. “A man came into Jessabelle’s shop a little while before you did. He said he was a friend of yours and you told him about me. He wanted me to make sure this got to you.”

 

Taako eyes over the envelope, it’s plain white, no writing on it or anything. Everyone who knows he knows Angus are on the moon or few plantside. Is this some weird marketing scam? “Okay Ango. I’ll look at it later.” He says before leaving to the reclaimer’s suite.

 

Taako got home feeling like a mess. How could he have let this happen? How could he have been so stupid? Why didn’t he do anything? He looks at the clock on the wall, 5:47pm. He needed to start cooking if he wanted dinner to be ready, he needed to make it look like everything was normal. 

 

He started unpacking the bags when he got to the kitchen, tossing the envelope onto the table. Thyme, chicken, lemon… He couldn’t touch the bottle of white truffle oil. Taako ran a hand through his hair, how can a bottle of oil make him feel so scared? It’s fine. No one needs to know. No one will know. He just needs to cook. Kravitz will want to taste his cooking -  _ You’re really cooking again? _

 

He’s making something simple, He can cook, it wasn’t his fault -  _ you murdered forty people. _

 

His hands are shaking, he needs to get through this. He grabs a knife to start cutting the potatoes, trying to focus, just focus on the work. It’s simple, he’s done this before. Taako tries to speed through, it feels like he just needed to blink and the chicken was in the oven. It’s already 6:34pm. Kravitz would be there in in an hour. 

 

He sits down at the table and sighs, needs a new distraction until Kravitz is there. He doesn’t trust himself to be alone with his thoughts. The envelope grabs his attention, nothing like a weird letter to distract you.

 

He tears it open, and lazily looks over the letter, not reading the words. The sound of crinkling paper can be heard when he grips the sheet. Sazed wrote the letter. It’s his handwriting.How did he… how did he find Angus? How could he- the stone. Angus said where he was. Sazed got there before him. Angus met Sazed.

 

Taako could feel the paper burning into his skin. He didn’t want to read it. He shouldn’t read it. But what if Sazed is sorry?

 

Taako’s head is swimming, does he regret what he did? Does he miss him…. Is he sorry?

 

Against his better judgement Taako reads the paper. He needs to know what Sazed wrote.

 

“It’s good to see you haven’t changed. You’re still just as needy as ever. You probably didn’t even wait a week after I was gone to start whoring yourself out to the first man who so much as looked at you. Your new fuck buddy is just gonna leave you once you stop putting out, just like the rest. He’s in it for a good fuck sweetheart, just like they all were. I’m the only one who ever loved you. I’m the only one who ever could give you what you wanted. He’s nothing compared to me, I know how you like it. I just can’t wait to see that tight body of yours again. I love you Taako.”

 

He barely made it to the bathroom before vomiting, the paper forgotten as it fell to the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll update as often as I can. I have been writing this a lot faster than I expected. And uh, my serious apologizes if my writing is shitty. I'm really trying to improve. It takes me a bit to get the feeling of a certain character's voice down and how to structure a story, I'll probably rewrite this if people want me to once it's completely finished.


	2. Trauma

Taako sat on the tile floor in front of the toilet. He could still taste Sazed’s tongue in his mouth. He gags but there’s nothing left in his stomach to get rid of. His skin is crawling with how disgusting he feels. How could he let this happen to himself again? 

 

He staggers to his feet and turns on the faucet. He watches the water cascade down the drain before splashing it on his face and finally cooling off from the shock and shame he’s been feeling all day and leaves to go to the living room before falling back on the couch. He’s fucking exhausted. The smell of lemon-thyme chicken is filling the dorm. The only thing keeping Taako grounded being the hope his boyfriend enjoys it. (Hopefully you can’t kill a dead man.)

 

He drifts into random thoughts, staring at the ceiling, when suddenly the familiar sound of the fabric of reality tearing is heard. Taako jolts up at the sound, head snapping to where the tear opened. Kravitz enters, a smile on his face. “Hello love, sorry I’m late. I had a last minute bounty.”

 

He wouldn’t be smiling if he didn’t care. “What’re you talking about thug? It’s only like 6:45.”

 

Kravitz quirks an eyebrow, expression turned to adorable confusion. “Did you fall asleep? It’s 8:15. I’m sorry if i woke you I- is something burning?”

 

“Fuck!” Taako says leaping from the couch and running to the kitchen opening the oven. He throws on oven mitts and pulls the chicken out and drops it on the stove top. “It looks fine, but it’s definitely overcooked.” Taako mutters. “Shit! I should've set a timer or something, I wasn’t expecting to zone out like that. It’s going to taste awful, I should throw it out. I’m sorry Krav I-”

 

“Hey, hey. Taako don’t worry, I don’t mind if it’s overcooked. If you made it there is no doubt in my mind it will be wonderful.” 

 

Taako turns around, looking at the tall, dark and handsome man behind him. Kravitz is too good for him -  _ He’s in it for a good fuck. _ Taako clenches his fist, “You sure?”

 

Kravitz nods his head before getting some plates from the cupboard, Taako sighed. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you honey.” He said before dulling out the food. (You served them their deaths.)

“Hey weird question, you can’t die from poison can you?”

 

Kravitz stopped and turned “I don’t think that’s possible. Should I be worried?” He laughs.

 

“Just checking.” He says as they sit down to eat. Taako pushes his food around on the plate. “Taako this is remarkable!” Kravitz says, Taako looking up to see the smile on his face. “Are you sure this is overcooked?”

 

Taako looks down to his plate, what’s the worst that could happen. His hand unnoticably shakes as he takes a bite. He chokes when it hits his tongue tasting nothing but white truffle oil. The smell from earlier that day comes rushing back. Kravitz quickly rushes over to him, “Are you alright?”

 

“Yeah it-” Taako coughs. “It just went down the wrong pipe is all, no worries my dude. I’m fine.” 

 

When he finally gets Kravitz to go back to his seat and finish his food he picks at his own plate, eating only potatoes and asparagus. He’ll just put it in the fridge, Magnus and Merle can eat the rest later. They talk, laugh, and Taako can’t help but want to kiss this man's face. He feels safe. (He can’t let his guard down.)

 

“By the way,” Kravitz says, washing the dishes while Taako wraps up leftovers, “You were completely right about that skirt.”

 

“Psh, ‘course I was my man. You don’t look half bad yourself.” Taako says walking up to Kravitz, leaning his elbow to the counter looking up at him. “Is it cool if I kiss your face?”

 

“No need to ask for an invitation.” He smiles before Taako plants a kiss on his lips. Ironically enough, the cold skin doesn’t stop his kiss from being warm. They kiss again, longer, needier.  “Can we take this make out sesh to the couch?”

 

“Of course.” 

 

Taako needs this. He needs to feel loved, needs to know not everyone will hurt him. Taako needs to know Sazed was wrong. He kisses Kravitz’s neck, as Kravitz pushes up his shirt slightly, Taako’s stomach feeling cool as Kravitz runs his hand over it gently -  _ Your new fuck buddy is just gonna leave you once you stop putting out. _

 

Taako can feel his heartbeat rocketing in his chest, he never wants Kravitz to leave. They kiss deeply, each of them loving the feeling.“I love you.” Kravitz mutters before slipping Taako’s shirt over his head. He pulls back to admire his lovers body but his love turns to pain as he looks down, his hands freezing in place.

 

“Krav why’d you stop?” The elf whines looking up at the man above him. 

 

“What happened?” He says, barely loud enough to even be heard. 

 

“What are you talking abo-” Taako jolts when Kravitz puts his hand on his shoulder, thumb brushing a dark welt next to his hand. He keeps looking down, seeing the large hand shaped bruise on Taako’s waist.

 

“What happened?” He says slightly louder this time, Taako’s skin becoming icy once he realizes what he means. He looks away, trying to divert the problem.

 

“Top surgery scars. I don’t know how you never noticed them before, guess they’ve faded enough to not be as noticeable, I mean-”

 

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”

 

“Then what are you talking about?”

 

“Who did this to you Taako?” Kravitz pulls away from him, obvious worry written on his face and gently laid a hand on the bruise.“Does it hurt?” Taako winces but refuses to say anything, sealing his lips together tightly.

 

“It’s nothing Krav, just something I got from training this morning, Killian hit me with a hammer or something.” He lies through his teeth, just wanting this to be over, wanting to forget about his past, wanting to keep others from getting hurt because of his problems.

 

“It’s a hand print Taako.” Kravitz said, a solemn look on his face. 

 

He flinched and grabbed his shirt off the floor, pulling it back on and began to slowly pace the floor. “It probably just bruised weird.”

 

“There’s a mark on your shoulder too.” He’s given and received too many of these from Taako not to know what they are. Taako knows this. 

 

“Probably something from our last date.” he says.

 

“That was weeks ago Taako, hickeys don’t last that long. It couldn’t be from me. It looks new.”

 

_ You’ll always be my piece of ass, right sweetie? _ “What, do you think I’m cheating on you?”

 

“No, but I think someone did this to you and I need to know who.”

 

“It was no one Krav, nothing happened.”

 

“Taako, tell me the truth.”

 

“I  _ am _ telling you the truth.”

 

“Taako why won’t you tell me what happened?”

 

“Because it doesn’t matter, it’s nothing.”

 

“It’s not nothing.” 

 

“Just DROP IT KRAVITZ!” Taako screamed, clenching his eyes shut, hands knotting in his hair. He opened his eyes the second he processed what he just did, tears are streaming down his face and looks over at Kravitz. “I-I… please just stop. It doesn’t matter. I got what was coming to me anyway.”

 

“Taako you don’t deserve whatever happened to you.”

 

“You don’t know that.You don’t know what I was like in the past. You don’t know what I’ve done. There’s a reason people leave me. Because I’m unlovable. Because everyone just uses me and I never get a fucking clue that it’s not going to be okay. Because I never have a common sense to not get attached.”

 

Taako looks away, “Forty people are dead because I didn’t give him what he wanted once. Forty people are dead and it’s my fault. I drove him to poison them, I gave the people that food. They’d be alive if I just gave him what he wanted!”

 

Kravitz walks up to Taako, about to say something but stops at the sound of paper crushing beneath his feet. He looks down, messy handwriting covering the page. He pick it up and reads. He can feel his hands clench into fists as he reads. “Did he write this?”

 

“Write wha-” Taako’s head whips around seeing the rage in Kravitz’s eyes. How his teeth clenched, how his fingers were digging into his skin, how he was desperately trying to keep his corporeal form. He looked to see the paper in his hands, and his skin was crawling. Memories started playing through his mind, the memories of all those nights in the caravan. Sazed always looked this way before he would... 

 

Only one word crossed Taako’s mind, “run”.

 

He bolted to his room, locking the door and crying. He heard a knock on the door, shaking at the sound. “Taako, what did he do to you?” 

 

“Leave Kravitz!” He screamed, obviously in hysterics “Just leave!”

 

He kept crying, trying to be as silent as he could until he heard the sound of a tear opening. The dorm was deathly quiet after Kravitz left. It was a long time before he began to calm down.

 

Taako put his head in his hands, what the fuck did he just do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh shit dog, is that trust issues, flashbacks and all around self blame from trauma? it's gonna get worse.


	3. What you want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hnnngh yeah this chapter was.... yeah a huge bitch to write. I mean on top of getting my own flashbacks to shit I also felt like I was waaaaay too repetitive. 
> 
> Trigger warnings for abuse, violence and rape/noncon. Stay safe my dudes.

He never expected this big of a turn out, hell he didn’t expect any turn out when he first started this. It’s absolute magic, the lights, the crowd, the applause. The way they love him, the way they love his food. He never would have guessed his life would be this perfect. Adoring crowds, traveling to places he’d never expect to go and a lover who helped him every step of the way.

 

Taako was exhausted, happily exhausted, laying on the bed in the caravan, head in the lap of the man he loved. “They loved me out there tonight! The pumpkin souffle couldn’t have turned out better! So many people bought shirts!” He smiled up at Sazed, his large hand running through Taako’s hair.

 

“I know it’s already been a few months but it just still doesn’t feel real.” Taako laughs, “What did you think? How did I do? I only want honesty honey.”

 

Sazed has a glowing look in his eye as he speaks, “You did amazing, babe. They loved you.  _ I _ loved you. There were a couple problems, though.”

 

Taako raised an eyebrow, “What kind of problems?”

 

“Nothing big babe, we can talk about this later, just know I know what I’m talking about.”

 

Taako put on a smile again, just a bit of worry gnawing at the back of his mind, “Okay, you’re right. You always do know what’s best Sazed.” He had to know what’s best, after all, he’d helped to lead Taako into the best years of his life.

 

His arms curled around Taako, holding him tight. Taako feels safe with him, someone this strong and intimidating can protect him. He’s been hurt too many times before. He’s known the pain of being afraid of every stranger you see, being hurt by the people you thought you could trust and he feels like he finally doesn’t have to feel scared anymore.

 

They kiss, Sazed making it rougher than Taako had expected. They pull apart soon after, Taako catching his breath before laying back down on the bed. “Damn son I’m tired as hell. I need to rest up and get those eight hours. Gotta make sure I’m perfect for the next show, look beautiful for the people.”

 

“You’re going to bed already?” Sazed questioned, confusion written on his face.

 

“Yeah babe, ya boy has had a long ass day. Wanna get some cuddle on?”

 

Taako could feel the weight on the bed shift as Sazed laid next to him, his arms wrapping around his midsection, chest pressed against his back. A low rumble comes from Sazed, Taako turning his head to look at him, an annoyed frown obvious on his face. 

 

“Is something wrong honey?” Taako asks, sleepily but loving.

 

“Nothing” He looks away.

 

“Psh, come on Saz, you I know you well enough to know when something is up. Anything I can help with?” Taako yawns. A heavy silence falls over the room as he waits for Sazed to answer.

 

“I just thought we’d do something more tonight. Go a little further?” His implications obvious as he ran his hand over Taako’s side before resting it on his hip. “You know how much I love you babe. Your body is just the best and I want all of you tonight.” 

 

If it wasn’t for the darkness of the caravan Taako’s blush would be incredibly obvious. He smiles a bit before responding, “As much as I like how that sounds, I’m gonna have to say no. We’ll do this another night okay?”

 

Hot breath tickles Taako’s neck as Sazed lets out a sigh, “Yeah okay, fine.” The bitter edge to his words is not missed. 

 

“Okay. G’night Saz.” Taako mumbles, his body and mind ready to go into his trance for the night, get that much needed mediation, but he hears something that makes him bolt wide awake. It’s Sazed’s voice, silent, barely loud enough to hear, but too harsh to go unnoticed. “Fuckin’ tease.”

 

Taako didn’t shift, didn’t say anything. A pain builds in his chest, familiar but unplaceable. Did Sazed even know he was awake? No, he probably didn’t even say it, it was probably just his imagination. Sazed would never say something like that.

 

Even though Taako told himself he believed that he still didn’t think about resting until he heard Sazed snoring.

 

* * *

“You really need to stop all the magic crap in your shows or at least tone it down a bit, you keep getting distracted. The food could’ve been much better this time, you’re getting sloppy sweetheart.” Taako could feel the words piercing into his heart, he tried not to look hurt.

 

“Really?” He asked Sazed. “I thought it was okay, and the audience loves the flair.”

 

“But don’t you think the audience was a little small?” Sazed says, walking over to Taako, “You seem out of it, stressed even. The people can tell, it shows in your cooking. When the food isn’t as good less people show, but I think you just need to get out some stress. Just relax, we can take out all that pent up energy-” He gives a sleazy smile, pulling Taako close and placing his hand on the small of his back. “-in a way that’s fun for the both of us. Trust me babe, _I_ _know_ what’s best for you.”

 

Taako pushes Sazed away, raking a hand through his hair as he paces the floor, an obviously annoyed look painting his face. “Look, Saz, you know I care about my show. If you’re right then I need to keep working on improving and entertaining the audience, keep them coming back for more.” He pinches the bridge of his nose, “And really, I don’t think fucking is the answer I’m looking for.”

 

Sazed looks over at Taako, a narrowing of his eyes into a sharp glare. “So you’re brushing me off for your fucking show again?”

 

Taako can feel the annoyance building up even more. “Sazed, I’m not brushing you off, can I just not want to for once? Hell, even if I was this is how we make our money, I want to- I  _ need _ to give the best show possible, the audience deserves that.”

 

“Well don’t I deserve something?!” Sazed growls, Taako’s eyes blown wide in shock. The tension is thick, a good foot of distance between them in the living space of the caravan. Taako has never seen Sazed like this before. He feels that familiar pain in his chest again, rising up his throat.

 

Taako swallows hard, voice quiet, “S-Sazed,” his voice cracks, “I’m.. I’m just saying not tonight. Please don’t take it as a personal offence just.... I’m not in the mood anyway.”

 

Sazed steps closer, voice low and dangerous, “That’s not an excuse.”

 

“Doesn’t it matter what I-”

 

“God, again with this selfish bullshit. This relationship isn’t just about you!”

 

“Selfish? Sazed you can just jack off or something, I’m not gonna help you get off just because it’s what you want, I get a say in this!”

 

“Just BE QUIET!” The sound skin hitting skin rings through the caravan as Sazed brings his hand down on Taako. He blinks in shock, pain rushing to his cheek. He raises a hand to his face and quickly pulls away with a sharp hiss at the sting. 

 

Taako flinches as Sazed speaks, head turned to the floor as to not see the anger on his face, “Do you just not love me? Is that it?! Are you just a little bitch who leads people on thinking they’ll always stay around?”

 

“N-no, Sazed, I love you, you know I do.” Taako chokes out, tears falling freely off his face and onto the floor. He freezes when strong arm wrap around him, squeezing him tight, Sazed pulling to his chest. “Aw come on, don’t cry. Don’t act like that.” His voice suddenly gentle and safe. “I’m just mad. You know how I get when I’m angry and it’s like you just try to rile me up sometimes. You know I didn’t mean it. You just need to stop being such a tease all the time, you know it makes me angry.”

 

Taako can feel himself shaking, his heartbeat pounding in his ears. He feels like he’s a ghost as Sazed leads him over to the bed, laying down with him and weaving his hands through his hair. Sazed mutters into his ear a soft “Sorry.”

 

“... I… I’m sorry too.” Taako says softly, “Just don’t do this again please.” He closes his eyes hoping for better in the morning. He is still in shock, that Sazed would hit him but… if it’s just this once it should be okay.

 

When he comes out of meditation the next morning he’s alone in the bed, Sazed was gone. Taako panicked, where did he go? Did he leave him? Is he alone again?

 

He can feel the fear hanging in his heart before spotting a small pot of concealer on the vanity table, a note attached. He gazes in the mirror, an obvious purple bruise on the side of his face. He grimaces at the sight, a dull pain throbbing when he touches it. He takes the note in his hands, Sazed’s messy handwriting covering the scrap of paper. “Make sure you use this before the show. You don’t want anything taking away from that pretty face of yours. Don’t worry about me I’m getting ingredients for your show tonight in town. Just rest until I get back.”

 

Taako smiled slightly. What happened was just an accident, he tells himself. It’s not going to happen again.

 

* * *

It was an amazing day. The show was dazzling, the applause, the cheers, all of it a wonderful kind of overwhelming. After the show Taako greeted the audience members who stuck around, he signed autographs, gave advice when asked and even was presented with piles of food from fans who wanted his opinion on their cooking. His personal favorite encounter that night being the orc man who gave him a tray of cupcakes, red velvet with cream cheese icing. They were exquisite and Taako couldn’t help but smile. He was, he is, so fucking happy.

 

When he finally got back to the caravan after the show Sazed was waiting. Taako wasn’t even paying attention to anything, his mind on cloud nine. That was, without a doubt, the best show Taako has ever done.

 

“Sazed can you believe it! It was so fantastic tonight.” He meet Sazed’s gaze from the table he sat at. A chill ran down his spine at the icy stare he gave. He wasn’t smiling. “S-Saz?” Taako stuttered out, nervously smiling.

 

“Why are you such a little bitch?”

 

“What?”

 

Sazed scoffs, “Don’t act stupid, I saw you with that orc.” He stood, drawing closer to Taako, the elf backing away to maintain the safe distance he had. Then his back hit a wall and Sazed was looming over him, a hand on his side trapping Taako between him and the vanity.

 

Taako was terrified, things never went well when he was angry. “Saz, he was just a fan.”

 

“Bullshit! I know you, you’re the kind of person who would leave me the second you think you find something better.”

 

Taako knew what he had to do, make him happy, do what he thinks Sazed would like, anything to keep him from hitting him. He let out a fake laugh, “Sazed, honey, I’d never leave you.”

 

“Don’t lie to me, you’re just going to whore yourself out to the first person who praises you the most.”

 

“Oh please, you know I’d never want to be with anyone else. You’re the only man for me.” Taako said, a flirty lilt to his tone. “You know me better than anyone else. Just calm down babe, you know I don’t like it when you get angry. I just want to spend tonight with you, no other feelings, no other thoughts, just us.”

 

Sazed’s arm slowly lowered from its position on the wall, he sighed. “You know I wouldn’t need to do shit like this if you stopped making dumbass choices. I know what’s best for you. I know what you want.” He brushes his thumb over Taako’s lips before kissing him. He internally cringes.

 

When they pull apart Sazed smiles. The same smile he had when they first met and Taako can feel a faint flutter in his chest, reminding him of the man he first met. But was that ever who he really was?

 

Sazed starts to place gentle feather kisses on Taako’s face before moving to his neck, it’s kind at first, a soft kiss, a tiny nip then he starts biting, hard and harsh. Taako lets out a small whine at the pain, he smiles through it pushing Sazed away slightly to look at him, “Um, babe, could you-” he tries not to wince at the pain when he feels blood dripping out of the wound, “-could you slow down a bit?”

 

Sazed frowns against Taako’s skin and the elf’s heart stops. Neither of them speak, Sazed’s hands trace up Taako’s sides and up his arms before pinning them to the wall of the caravan. Taako can feel his knuckles digging into the wood as Sazed presses them down. “Babe please, can you let me go? I can’t move.”

 

He lets out a growl, the familiar pain returns to Taako’s chest. He bites down harder, Taako letting out a pained groan, “Sazed, really stop. You’re hurting me.”

“Shut up.” He growls.

 

“Sazed plea-”

 

“SHUT UP!” His face is in Taako’s, he’s breathing heavily, angrily. Taako has never felt so helpless in his life. He can’t speak.

 

“Don’t talk back to me. You don’t get to fight me this time.”

 

“I don’t want to fight just please-”

 

“I said SHUT UP!” Sazed gripped Taako’s shoulders, slamming his head into the wall. His head was pounding, every sound echoing slightly. “You’re mine you’ve got that?” Sazed continued as he gripped Taako’s ass, “And if you’re going to act like a slut, then I’m gonna treat you like one.”

 

Taako’s body feels limp when Sazed throws him on to the bed. He pinned Taako’s hands above him with one hand, and held up his chin with the other before shoving his tongue into his mouth.

 

Taako tries to scream but all that comes out is a whimper. “No…” He struggles under Sazed’s grip trying desperately to do anything, kick him off, call for help anything.

 

His shirt is ripped off, chest exposed to the air as Sazed shoves his hand into Taako’s pants. “Already so wet for me? Damn you’re needier than I thought.” He lets out a dark chuckle, Taako can feel the tears streaming down his face. He didn’t want… He didn’t think this would happen with Sazed. 

 

Taako chokes on a sob coming from his throat, “Sazed please… I don’t want this.”

 

He leans down next to Taako’s ear, his voice filled with lust as his whispers, “Babe, I know  _ exactly _ what you want.”

 

He rips off Taako’s pants, he’s kicking, screaming, doing anything. It’s not working. It’s not helping. Nothing is helping. He just want to die.

 

Tears run down his face as he finally stops struggling, the only feeling in his heart is the familiar pain in his chest, fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoooough yeah this was hard to write. I promise the next chapter will in no way be as bad. Things can't be that bad when it involves Angus getting his nails painted. 
> 
> Edit: Holy shit i just realized how big the spaces between paragraphs are. Why does the google docs format not translate well on this site?


	4. Just ignore it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Progress is slowing down speed a bit, I've got summer school to work on but besides that my schedule is still very open. Hopefully this doesn't slow down progress too much.

Waking up in a cold sweat wasn’t new to Taako. It also wasn’t new after a dream like that to panic and wonder where he was. When he finally grounded himself he checked the time, only 5:30am.

 

Fuck. There’s no way he’s getting back to rest anytime soon. Might as well just go into the kitchen and cook random shit until sunrise, get a head start on breakfast for the rest of tres horny boys. He stretches in his bed, throwing on a crop top and sweatpants from the floor and grabbing the umbra staff just to feel safe, before opening his door and entering the hall way.

 

It’s dark, he can see fine but he’s still so fucking tired it’s hazy looking around. He gets to the kitchen, about to flick on the light before a large hand rests on his shoulder, a familiar voice whispering his name.

 

He turns around and steps back, umbra staff pointed upright at the figure behind him and charges a magic missile. The light at the tip of the staff illuminates the room in a soft light, Taako’s panicked face emphasised by the glow. 

 

“Woah woah! Taako put it down! It’s me!” Magnus says, hands up in defense.

 

He freezes, drops the umbra staff, hand shooting up to his mouth to stifle a gasp as his other hand tangles in his already messy bedhead. The glow dissipates, the room returning to its darkened state before Magnus flicks on the light switch. “Holy fuck, Magnus… I’m so sorry, I-”

 

“No, it’s cool. I shouldn’t have snuck up on you like that.” Magnus says, a slight smile on his face. “I forget how jumpy you are at night sometimes.”

 

“Yeah…” Taako bends down, picking up the staff. “Sorry.”

 

They stand in silence for a few minutes, not awkward but more necessary, both searching through their minds, trying to figure out what to say. “So,” Magnus says, sleep still obvious in his voice, “Want some coffee?”

 

Taako nods, pulling a lock of hair behind his ear. He sits down, and rubs his temples. He can feel a slight headache coming on, either due to the time of the day or the stress. He closes his eyes and he can see flashes of the caravan, feeling the pain throb in his head. Yup stress, definitely the stress. “And some fantasy aspirin. My fucking brain feels like it’s gonna squeeze out through my eyes.”

 

“Got it.” Magnus gets the coffee out of the pantry. “How do you want yours?”

 

“Tall, dark and hot as hell.”

 

“I was referring to the coffee, not your choice in men.”

 

Taako cringes internally at that, remembering the events from the night before. “Let’s just.. Talk about coffee Mags.”

 

“Mhm,” Magnus mutters, assuming a fight between his friend and Kravitz ensued the night before, as Taako, though he’d deny it, is never one to pass up the opportunity to gush about his boyfriend. He loads up the coffee machine, “Should be a few minutes.” 

 

Taako opens his eyes when he feels Magnus sit down at the table, fantasy aspirin and a small glass of water sitting in front of him. He quickly downs it before sighing and looking up at his friend. “So fella, might I ask why you’re up at this time of night?”

 

Magnus props his cheek up on his fist, elbow resting on the table. “I was actually hoping you could tell me the same. Are you okay?”

 

“What? Oh yeah, I’m fine. Just woke up early. You know how it is.” Taako quickly muttered, “Anyway how about you?”

 

Magnus’s eyes squint, obviously contemplating what to say, “I…” He pauses, a slight moment of hesitation in his voice, “I woke up because of you.”

 

Taako freezes, nervous laughter leaving his throat, “What? How did I wake you?”

 

“Remember back when we first started traveling together?” Magnus says, “How… you were afraid of me?”

 

“Magnus I was never afraid of you.”

 

“Okay bad choice of words. More like, you know, you kept your distance. Didn’t wanna get too close. You were looking at me like that when I came into the kitchen.”

 

“Mags, I was just scared.” Taako says, freezing realizing what he said.

 

“So you were scared of me?”

 

Taako quickly scrambles to get an answer out, “I… Magnus see it… I… it- it wasn’t you.” He wants to lie, but he is so tired. He just doesn’t want to in detail. “You just reminded me of someone. But you’re not like him, just same body type.”

 

The coffee maker beeped, Magnus got up to get some mugs. Taako turned in his seat to face him. “Still didn’t answer my question though, how did I wake you?”

 

Magnus brings the mugs to the table, soft steam rising from the contents. He stirs his coffee a bit. “You were screaming.”

 

“What.”

 

“You were screaming and muttering stuff. I couldn’t make out the words but you were definitely screaming for something or screaming  _ at _ something.” Taako’s expression is full of shock.

 

“Do I… normally talk when I’m meditating?” He says, obviously nervous. How loud was he yelling? Did the whole bureau hear him at night? 

 

“Well it was more noticeable before we had our own rooms. You would just mumble.” Magnus could tell Taako was still worried, “I just notice cause I’m a light sleeper, I’m sure Merle doesn’t know. Honestly even if the moon was being bombed while he’s asleep I’m not sure he would so much as roll over. I haven’t heard you scream before though.”

 

Taako takes a long sip of his coffee. Magnus speaks up again, “Did you have a nightmare?”

 

Taako watches as wisps of steam drift from the cup, the pad of his thumb rubbing the warm ceramic. “I guess you could call it that.”

 

“Do you need any help?”

 

“What?”

 

“I mean like, do you want to talk about it?” Magnus asks, a sad smile appears on his face. “Jules always said I was easy to talk to when it came to nightmares.”

 

Taako drums his fingers on the table, closes his eyes and can see images in his mind of the caravan. His fingers curl into his palm and pinch into his skin. “I really don’t want to get into it that much. It’s something I can deal with on my own. Thanks for the offer though Magnus.”

 

“Okay.” Magnus says, finishing off his cup. “But if you want to the offer is always on the table.”

 

The two kept making small talk for a while until Magnus decides go back to bed. And then suddenly it’s just Taako, alone again with nothing but his thoughts. It’s never good being alone with his thoughts. Especially right now he’ll just.. He’ll just keep thinking about it. He needs a distraction. He used to just throw himself into his cooking show but he doesn’t have that anymore. Still, that doesn’t mean he can’t cook. The chicken didn’t kill him when he ate it the night before and knowing his roommates he’s sure they picked at the leftovers when they got home. He just needs to ignore that voice in the back of his head and work.

 

Taako sighs, takes a deep breath, goes to the fridge and begins to pull out ingredients. Eggs, bacon, strawberries, chocolate chips and pancake flour. 

 

He begins to cook. Omelettes, muffins, pancakes, bacon, and keeps cooking. He tastes everything through every step of the process, it has to be perfect. He can’t let them get hurt.

 

He pours heavy cream into a bowl, adding a bit of sugar, vanilla and cinnamon. He whips it fast to form fluffy peaks of whipped cream. He gets lost in it, focused on the motion and the feeling. He whips past the necessary point, just letting his mind run blank.

 

“Holy shit?” Taako finally broke out of his trance, looking to the entrance of the kitchen, Merle standing there looking at the absurd amount of food in the room.

 

“Yeah I uh... kinda got carried away.”

 

“Kinda?” Merle says sarcastically quirking an eyebrow. 

 

“I made sausages and waffles.” Taako says, gesturing his whisk over to the table.

 

“Did I ever tell you how you’re my  _ favorite _ person?” Merle says, suddenly chipper as he starts piling a plate full of food.

 

“Yeah yeah, go get Magnus before you sit down and eat. I made a fuckload of food so I’m gonna box some up and send you boys on a delivery run. I don’t want this shit to go to waste.” Taako says, grabbing the plate from the dwarf and holding it above his head. Merle glares, “I get first dibs on any leftovers.”

 

“Fine now shoo.” Taako groans as he watches Merle head off, the sound of him banging on a door and shouting for Magnus echoing through the dorm. Taako puts the whipped cream down on the counter, rinses off his hands and heads to his room. He looks over his organized chaos before settling his eyes on his stone of far-speech, picking it up off his dresser and quickly tuning it to Angus’ frequency.

 

“Agnes, you there pumpkin?”

 

Taako can hear Angus’ voice on the other end, “Taako?” He mumbles, obviously still half asleep, “It’s really early, you normally aren’t awake at this time. Is something wrong?”

 

“I made breakfast, happy-face pancakes, muffins, the works kiddo.”

 

“Woah, wait really?” Angus says, sounding a bit more lucid than he initially did.

 

“Yup, I’m having the boys deliver some of it take-out style to a bunch of the nerds who live here. I made way too much food. Head over here as soon as you can and bring nail polish, I promised I’d paint your nails for you.”

 

“Okay sir! See you soon Taako! I love you.” The smile on Angus voice could obviously be heard. 

 

This is good. Taako’s cooking, Angus is going to get his nails painted, he can get his life back on track and put the day before behind him. Magnus and Merle enter the kitchen, both piling plates with food as Taako starts boxing up to-go bags, tasting the food again before finally handing them off, just… to be safe. “...Killian and Carey get this one, Johann gets this, and give this to the Director.”

 

“Got it,” Magnus says, his arms full of food. He rushes out the door, Merle trailing behind.

 

It’s only a minute or so more before Angus knocks on the door, Taako opening it to see him standing there, arms full of bottles of nail polish or every possible colour. “I can’t decide what colour I want.” He says, obviously embarrassed.

 

“That’s no prob kiddo. I’ll set up a little work station, you get some b-fast.” 

 

Angus quickly serves himself some food, running over to the couch and eating while watching Taako set up the polish. He’s so excited. He finishes as soon as he can and looks over at the wide array of polish. “Any idea what you want?” Taako asks as Angus climbs into a chair and stretches his arms out on the table.

 

“Hm… well.. I really like all the colours, pink is nice, but I really like the blues. Um… you decide Taako I’d be happy with anything.”

 

“Guess I’ll just surprise you then.” Taako smiles, grabbing a handful of colours and telling Angus to not peak until he’s done.

 

It’s a simple repetitive activity, not much thinking  needed but it hold concentration. Perfect thing to help you ignore your problems. They talk for a while about all sorts of things, how is Angus’ practice coming along, how was the new book he got, Taako always leading the conversation away from himself. “Oh and sir?” Angus asks, head turned away from Taako as not to see his nails, “Did you read that letter I gave you yesterday?”

 

The brush slips and a streak of polish runs over Angus’ finger, “Shit,” Taako groans, taking some cotton balls and soaking them in acetone to remove the colour. “That’s probably gonna stain for a day or two.”

 

“Is something wrong Taako?” Angus questions.

 

“No! Just messed up. Yeah, uh, nothing was in the letter, weird right? Must’ve been some crazy guy.”

 

“Oh…” Angus mumbles, he goes quiet for a second, obviously lost in thought before speaking up a bit. “Did it have anything to do with the person you saw in Neverwinter?”

 

Taako tries to keep his hand from trembling, fuck, this kid is too smart. “Angus I told you I don’t want to talk about it okay?”

 

“Right… Sorry. Well um, then how did your date with Kravitz go?”

 

The polish brush slips again, “FUCK!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god I just realized I used a Starbucks sizing term during the coffee scene 
> 
> Next time, Date Aftermath : Kravitz perspective. (Obvious spoiler, boy is fucking pissed)


	5. Working up courage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly this is crazy short, sleepiness and summer school is kiiiiiinda killing me.

There are many things Kravitz has felt in his time with Taako, joy, love, excitement. This is the first time he has ever felt pure rage. Of course it’s not directed at the elf but he has such trouble keeping his human form intact as he reads the paper in his hands. Every particle of his being flaring at the words. He looks up, worried for nothing but the safety of the person in front of him but the pain and anger he feels must be very obvious. Taako has never looked at him with that much fear in his eyes before. He doesn’t think anyone of his bounties in their last moments on the physical plane, ever came close to having as terrified an expression as Taako had at that moment.

 

Before he can move Taako bolts to his room and slams the door, a soft click indicating the door had been locked. Kravitz turns around, hearing the sound of Taako crying on the other side of the door. His heart shatters. This is his fault, he upset him. He doesn’t want to hurt him further, but he needs to know what happened.

 

He knocks on the door and speaks, “Taako, what did he do to you?”

 

He quickly pulls back his hand at the shout coming from the other side of the door, “Leave Kravitz! Just leave!” Kravitz knew the sound of hysterics all too well. He wanted to do something, anything to help him, but he knew the best thing he could do at the moment was leave him be. Forcing Taako to talk right now is the worst thing he could do.

 

Kravitz looks at the paper in his hand, folds it up and puts it into his pocket, assuming Taako doesn’t want to see it again and if he left it there either Magnus or Merle would question him about it. He extends his arm, his scythe appearing in his hand. He slashes the air, a tear opening to the astral plane. So many feelings, so many questions are swarming through his head. He’s worried for Taako, confused as to why he won’t talk to him and absolutely disgusted by what he read. 

 

He can feel the paper burning in his pocket when he gets back to the astral plane. He throws himself into work to try and ignore it. He picks up his bounty book, flipping to any open case, he just needs to do something.

 

Perfect, necromancer again. Simple, easy, quick. His cloak unveils on him, his scythe coming to his hand and quickly rips a tear to the bounties location. He shows no mercy when they try to harm him.

 

He just wants to get this anger out. But he can’t abuse his position. Besides his anger isn’t directed at anyone but the person who wrote the letter. Well the person who wrote that letter and himself for not realising how off Taako seemed. 

 

In hindsight it’s obvious, but in the moment Kravitz never would have known unless Taako had told him something was wrong. Taako can act, especially when he has something he wants to hide. He desperately wants to call Taako, make sure he’s okay, find out who hurt him make them regret they ever did anything to harm the person he loves. He just doesn’t want to hurt him further.

 

Putting pressure on Taako to reveal information he’s trying to avoid won’t help anyone. He knows Taako has to tell him first. He knows Taako needs to call him first before he even thinks of going back to his dorm. He doesn’t want to do anything to disrespect the boundaries that have been set, he just desperately wants Taako to bring them down soon.

\---

“He was just… angry. And I made him angry Angus. Bad things tend to happen to me when people get angry.” Taako mumbles, letting out a soft awkward laugh. “Honestly, when things get bad Taako prefers to stay out of it.”

 

“Are you sure he isn’t just worried?” Angus asks.

 

“Why would he be worried?”

 

“Taako, no offense but you have to be joking, it’s obvious why.” When Taako doesn’t respond Angus sighs, “He’s worried cause he loves you.”

 

“Angus… I know you mean well but… sometimes, sometimes love is just a word people use to get what they want. Sometimes people don’t deserve love but pretend they do. Sometimes people aren’t worth the time of day.”

 

“Taako,” Angus says, looking over at the elf, “you deserve good things. You’re a good person. I know you may not think that but I can tell you it’s true.” He pauses for a second, “Please call Kravitz. I’m sure he wants to help you. I’m sorry about what happened to you too. Whatever it was I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.”

 

Angus is suddenly enveloped into a tight squeeze, “Taako?”

 

“Thanks kid. I’ll… I’ll call him.”

 

“Okay. And well, if he does get mad at you or hurt you you have an entire moon base on your side!” 

 

Taako laughs and lets go of Angus before telling him to look at his nails. Bright pastel colours decorate Angus’ fingertips. “Wow! They look so pretty!”

 

“Hell yeah they look pretty. I’m not an amature at this I’ll have you know.”

 

Angus quickly wraps his arms around Taako giving him another hug before packing up his things. “I have to get to the icosagon. Ms. Carey said she wanted to give me some stealth training.”

 

“Okay, just tell her not to chip your nails or stuff like that breakfast delivery is in no way happening again.”

 

Angus leaves, the door closes and Taako is once again alone. He knows he has to call Kravitz, he knows he does but he just doesn’t want him to look at him differently. He wishes they could put this behind them, ignore it ever happened and just go back to watching trashy TV while making out on the couch.

 

But this isn’t something Taako is going to just put behind himself. He knows this. It’s just going to become more of a problem until he does something. Conflicting feelings are an absolute fucking pain to deal with.

 

There is one feeling he knows is not going away no matter how hard or how long he thinks about it though, guilt. Guilt that he didn’t fight back. Guilt that he never fought back. Guilt at the fact he saw himself as selfish for bringing up his problems or even seeing his problems as problems. He knows other people have it much worse. He knows other people deserve help more than him. 

 

He just wants to know why he can’t let it go and move on.

 

He finds his stone of far-speech, tuning it to Kravitz’s frequency, He takes a deep breath before talking, readying himself for whatever anger or hate he would face. “Kravitz are you there?”

 

The other line picks up immediately, “Taako! Hello, are you okay?”

 

His heart flutters at the sound, he wants to trust his heart, wants to trust it will be okay. “I… I’m fine but can, uh, can we talk? I think I need… I think I need to explain some things.” He said, fingers twirling a lock of hair nervously.

 

“Of course. When do you want me to-”

 

“Now. Or just, as soon as you can. Please.”

 

The sound of a tear opening in the room makes Taako turn to face the source of the noise, a handsome face staring at him with worried and hopeful eyes, a stone of far-speech held to his mouth.

 

“Take as much time as you need.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, I will try to make the next chapter much longer and add some much needed fluff and comfort.


	6. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ey ey ey trigger warnings for mentions of rape/non con and abuse for this chapter.
> 
> we've got an incoming emotional pow-wow between the boys

It has been at least a half hour since Kravitz had gotten there. Neither him nor Taako have said a thing since he stepped through the tear. Both of them have moved to a more comfortable position laying on Taako’s bed. His head rests on Kravitz’s chest, Kravitz tracing small circles on Taako’s back with the pad of his finger. It’s a quiet calming gesture and the sentiment is in no way lost. Taako sat in silence still, taking full advantage of the words “take as much time as you need.”

 

“I’m sorry I’m taking so long I just-”

 

“It’s fine love.”

 

“I just don’t want to waste your time.”

 

“Taako,” Kravitz sat up and looked into his eyes. “Even if you decide you don’t want to talk right now I won’t be mad. You’re never wasting my time. I just need you to know I want you to tell me when you’re ready, not because you think I’m going to hold it against you if you don’t say anything.” His voice was soft and natural. Though he sounded fine even with his work accents Taako couldn’t deny that something about his natural voice was like music. 

 

He had always been cautious of sweet talkers, men who’d make him feel loved. His experience had always been that they would take and leave him nothing before he even knew they were gone. After his last relationship he has been even more cautious than before. But something is telling him, deep in his soul, that Kravitz is a person he can trust.

 

“I’m scared.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I don’t want you to look at me differently.” He doesn’t want him to look at him like he’s broken.

 

“What you tell me doesn’t make you a different person.” Kravitz entwines his fingers with Taako’s. A simple gesture which means the world in this moment.

 

Taako wants to believe that. He wants to believe that more than anything. Just this once he’s going to trust his heart, not his fears.

 

It felt like an eternity before he finally spoke up. “I had a show. I think I’ve mentioned it before. It was called “Sizzle it up with Taako”.”

 

“Mhm.” Kravitz mumbled, not really speaking. He decided earlier he would keep his talking and questions to a minimum as not to get off topic. He knew how hard this must be for Taako and he didn’t want to make it harder by seeming he didn’t care and simply wanted to change the subject.

 

“Well when I started I had help. I had this… partner. We were… Well we were together. The first few months were amazing. It really was a dream come true. After every show he’d give me a bouquet, or a box of chocolates or some cheesy romantic shit like that. He’d talk about my talent, how beautiful he thought I was. He just praised me. And I was in love with him. I trusted him.” Taako sighed.

 

“I got too wrapped up in myself I guess, I didn’t really realize how he started to change. Over time the bouquets and chocolates stopped and the praise turned into more and more criticism, constructive at first and then just… hurtful.”

 

“What would he say?” 

 

“Just that I wasn’t… I wasn’t good enough, the audience stopped coming for me and just for handouts. That I wasn’t seeing how people were just stepping all over me. I thought he was looking out for me.” He laughs, obvious pain in his voice. “I thought he was always right.”

 

“He started getting bitter over time at me working too much on my show. I just wanted it to be perfect. I wanted… I guess I just wanted a reason to try. I got so tired all the time since I was working myself past my limit almost everyday. I would tell him I was tired. I would tell him I just didn’t want to do anything that night.” He started to drift off into other thoughts, Kravitz noticed and gave his hand a light squeeze to bring him back.

 

Taako, blinked a couple of times before looking at Kravitz. He took a few deep breaths before continuing. “A-At first he respected that. He respected when there were nights I was too exhausted to go further or just didn’t want to. He never held back the passive aggression though. I always felt guilty afterwards. I didn’t want him to think I didn’t love him. I didn’t want him to leave me.”

 

He was on the brink of tears, the large drops of water threatening to spill, “Eventually the passive aggression just became aggression. He would… he would insult me when I would talk back to him. Called me a slut, a whore, talked about how I was pathetic and would do anything to get someone to love me. He hurt me when he was angry. It was always my fault he was angry though. I knew how he was when he got mad, I should’ve just done what he wanted…” Kravitz slowly puts his hand on Taako’s shoulder, pulling him closer to try and comfort him. 

 

Taako’s voice is shaking as he continues to speak, “E-Even after nights like that I would wake up to gifts. Normally make-up or clothing, in hindsight it’s obvious he was just picking out which would hide the bruises the best. He would apologize, say he was sorry, say he was just mad I wouldn’t listen to him. He always reminded me it wouldn’t have happened if I’d been doing what he said.”

 

He clutched Kravitz shirt tightly in one hand, “I learned how to calm him down over time. If I played to what he wanted, did what I thought he liked he’d be happy. I wouldn’t be hurt for a few days and I decided it was better to have sex even when I wasn’t really into the mood or whatever than get hurt for not doing it at all.”

 

“Eventually he caught onto my act. He stopped falling for it. When I finally realized he knew… I told him to slow down, that- that I didn’t want that but I just… I fought back as much as I could. I just wasn’t strong enough. I couldn’t protect myself.” He’s trying to calm down but he’s just not able to, he doesn’t think he’s ever cried this much. “I kept fighting back, I actually hit him once. That was the worst… the worst night of my life. After that I stopped struggling.”

 

Kravitz is trying to keep his corporeal form, rage again consuming his thoughts. He has never felt the urge to murder someone before. He wants to make who hurt Taako suffer the way they made him suffer.

 

Taako’s worried he looks like a mess. He must look so ridiculous with tears all over his face, not being able to take a breath without shaking. He’s clinging onto Kravitz for dear life. He doesn’t want him to leave him. “It’s fucked up, so fucked up, but even after all that I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t want to be alone. I told myself it was better to be in the state I was in than be alone with no one. I finally snapped when he told me he wanted to have a spot on “Sizzle It Up” as a co-host. He had taken everything I had. I wasn’t going to let him take my dream. I wasn’t going to let him have that piece of me.”

 

“When he didn’t bring it up again I felt relieved. Then Glamour Springs happened. It was the only time I didn’t taste the food, if I did than…. I’d be dead. He poisoned the chicken I made. Forty people died after they ate it and I thought it was my fault. I thought it was reckless transmutation, that I’d made nightshade instead of elderberries. He let me think that for years. He didn’t say anything as we got away. We drove for two days. The next morning when I woke up he was gone.”

 

Taako’s voice cracks when he speaks, “ I-I was terrified without him. Eventually I moved on, started working. I met Merle and Magnus. I thought my past was behind me. Then he found me yesterday. I froze. I didn’t do anything to defend myself I just stood there. If Angus hadn’t called, if he hadn’t known that someone would come looking for me I honestly don’t know what he would’ve done to me. I don’t want to think about it.” He looks up to Kravitz, his eyes full of terror, Taako never expected that there could be something death found horrifying. “You saw the note. When Angus called he made me speak to him… He found out where Angus was because of me and gave him that letter. He found out about you too. This is all my fault. I’m so fucking sorry Krav.”

 

Kravitz’s fist curled into the bedsheets. How could he even think to apologize? “You are  _ not _ to blame for this in anyway Taako. He assaulted you, he… raped you. You did nothing wrong.”

 

“I just don’t want more people to get hurt Krav. I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me. I know he’s not afraid to kill and I… I don’t want to think about what he’ll do if he finds me.”

 

“I promise you he will do nothing to hurt you again.” Kravitz says, voice soft and safe. “Stay here love. I’m going to get you some water.” Taako tries to slow his breathing back to a calm state while Kravitz is out of the room. This man is too good for him, much too good for him.

 

Kravitz is glad he doesn’t know where Taako’s abuser is. He knows if he did he would murder him on the spot. Someone who would do such sick and twisted things… He can’t wait for the day he sees this bastard's name on his bounty list. He is not going to make it easy on him in anyway.

 

When Kravitz returns he makes sure to sit down slowly after handing Taako his water. He looks at him with nothing but love and lies down next to Taako, the elf snuggling into his arms once again. “I need to ask you some important questions Taako.”

 

“Hm?” He mumbles, worry and fear tugging at him.

 

“I… I’ve never…” Kravitz couldn’t find the words he was looking for, “I’ve never forced you or pressured you into something you haven’t wanted to do during sex before have I? I need you to let me know. I could never forgive myself if I hurt you like that.”

 

Taako was in shock, Kravitz is worried he… oh dear god, “Nonononono! Krav you have never done anything with me I didn’t want to do. Hell, no, how could you even think that?”

 

“I just wanted to know. I never want to do anything to hurt you. You don’t deserve to be forced to do anything against your will.”

 

“I just hate that I didn’t… I didn’t do anything. It’s my fault I-” 

 

Kravitz cuts off Taako before he can say another word. “What he did to you _is never_ and _will_ _never_ be your fault.”

 

Kravitz slowly reaches a hand up to Taako’s face, brushing tears away. Taako raises his hand and puts it on Kravitz’s, a soft touch being exactly what he needs. “My next question is what is his name, I need to make sure I know who he is so when his time comes so I can make fully sure he gets exactly what he deserves.”

 

Taako laughs a bit, pausing before finally speaking. “Sazed. His name is Sazed. Please don’t do anything drastic though. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

 

“I promise you, if I ever meet him the only one who will be hurt is him. But I won’t do anything if you don’t want me to.”

 

“Thank you Krav.”

 

“Finally Taako, I need to ask, can I stay with you tonight? I want to be here in case you need me.” 

 

Taako smiles, it’s genuine, full of nothing but love. “Of course. I was going to ask you to stay anyway. We didn’t get our cuddle on enough last night. Besides, nothing says world's best body pillow like a freezing cold bounty hunter for the goddess of death.”

 

Kravitz snickers a bit, laying down beside Taako. “I wouldn’t say I’m that cold.”

 

“Hell yeah you are. Seriously kissing you is like I’m in a snowstorm and decided it’d be great idea to stick my tongue on the first piece of metal I see.”

 

“Well at least you know how to warm me up.” He smiles.

 

Taako smiles back, leaning in for a kiss before resting fully in Kravitz’s embrace. The two hold each other in comfortable silence while they both drift off to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm honestly not sure how many more chapters i'm gonna write for this but i'd say it's a good estimate to say that it's halfway/a little more than halfway to the end.
> 
> some p bad shit is gonna happen soon though, taako is in no way out of the woods yet but i promise there will be a good ending. i will not stand for anything less than happiness at the end of this. 
> 
> thank you all so much for all the really nice comments. it's really been helping me through a rough time knowing i have something to work on people want to see and it's giving me a reason to stay strong and continue on with the shitty cards I got dealt. admittedly this last week has been one for the record books in a pretty bad way but i'm scraping by. this as an outlet has really been a key factor in keeping me going. thank you again and i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.


	7. Date Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh yeaaaaaah i love getting writers block and forcing myself to make a shitty chapter just to get from point a to point b so i can progress to the parts where i do know what i'm gonna write. sorry if this sucks i really just didn't want to go like a week without posting a new update since i've been pretty good at getting these chapters out quick

Things have changed in Taako’s life in the last week. Kravitz has been coming over more often and spending the night and with him, he’s obviously not complaining. He also decided to tell his roommates about his past. It was difficult, less so with Kravitz there for moral support.

 

Merle and Magnus’s reactions were very similar to Kravitz’s. The boys listening in complete shock, obviously angered by the circumstances Taako was forced to endure. Taako has never seen people jump to planning a murder so fast in his life.

 

“I’ve got rail splitter, Merle has zone of truth, once we get him to admit what he did to you he’s going to pay.” Magnus said, no one has ever seen him this ready to fight.

 

“Woah, guys you really don’t have to kill him. It wouldn’t do any good.” Taako doesn’t want to prove Sazed’s point. He doesn’t want to come off as weak and needy.

 

The hardest thing was explaining to Angus. When he found out Taako was being more open about what happened he immediately began snooping. Taako didn’t want him to find out that way and he knew the boy detective wouldn’t let up until he knew the truth. 

 

Taako isn’t one to normally censor himself around anyone. And although he is a kid Taako knows Angus can handle hearing the word “fuck”. But explaining what happened… explaining what happened to an eleven year old is still a bit extreme. Even when he sugarcoated it he knew Angus knew exactly what he meant. This kid is too mature for his own good. Angus knew he couldn’t do much but he did give Taako a hug. “Taako, I love you. I know I’m a kid and I can’t do much in terms of fighting like others can, I’m getting better at magic though. But I just want you to know I’ll do whatever I can if you need help.”

 

Taako can’t help but smile. This kid is too fucking sweet. “Thanks Ango.”

 

Taako and Kravitz are set for a date that night. They’re going planetside to Fantasy Olive Garden. They’ve been going planetside more often at Taako’s request. He doesn’t want to avoid going there just because he’s worried he’ll see Sazed. Besides, Taako isn’t going to let the fear of running into him stop him and Kravitz from having an amazing pasta filled date night.

 

“You’re sure you want to go to Goldcliff? We don’t have to go planetside if you don’t want to.” Kravitz asks when he arrives at Taako’s dorm. 

 

Taako looks at Kravitz seriously, not breaking eye contact. “They have unlimited breadsticks Krav. Unlimited breadsticks.”

 

Kravitz tries to stifle a laugh, “I guess that’s a yes?”

 

“You know it. Honey, I’m gonna be damned if I let some asshole and anxiety take away my god given right to have as many breadsticks as I want.”

 

Kravitz holds Taako’s hand as he opens a tear to Goldcliff. “Shall we?” 

 

They walk around the main square of town, Taako looking at the cherry tree in the shallow pool. He smiles at it while they walk past. They arrive at the Fantasy Olive Garden and get a table near a large window with a view of the Goldcliff park, people walking past on the sidewalk.

 

Taako looks out the window, chin resting on his hand, “Are you sure you wanna be here Krav?”

 

He looked up, a bit confused, “Of course, why do you ask?”

 

“Just… we’ve been going out more recently. I guess I’m kind of worried you’re gonna get bored of me is all.” He laughs a bit, “I’m just a bit on edge, my relationships never go this well.”

 

Kravitz slowly reaches across the table and grabs Taako’s hand in his, “You have no reason to worry. You’ve always deserved to be treated well. And I could never get bored of someone so… so interesting. I’ve really never felt this happy with someone before.”

 

Taako laughs, “I’ve never been this happy either you fucking dork.”

 

“By the way,” Kravitz says, reaching into his pocket. “On the subject of us spending a lot of time together I actually wanted to give you something.” He pulls out a little box, Taako’s eyes go wide.

 

“Holy shit… holy shit? Holy shit! Krav I love you but holy fuck I don’t think you wanna marry me!”

 

Kravitz looks at Taako, utterly confused. He slowly looks back at the box his hands and his face melts away into a skull, obviously embarrassed. “ _ Oh _ . I… um… oh god… I did not mean to have this look like that. Oh god, in hindsight this is a very stupid way to present a gift…”

 

He bolts up, “Not that I don’t love you enough to want to propose! Wait, fuck, I mean-” 

 

Taako is trying to stifle a laugh at the adorable sight before his eyes. “Okay. So we’re not getting married. Then what’s in the box?”

 

Kravitz slowly regains his handsome face as he straightens up in his seat. His eyes are shut tight and an embarrassed smile is spread across his features. “It’s uh, it’s a ring. That does not make this better…”

 

“Okay, so wait, how does this have anything to do with us spending a lot of time together?” Taako asks, trying to change the subject so Kravitz doesn’t die a second time of embarrassment.

 

Kravitz opens the box, “I know we’ve been spending a lot of time together but I still have my jobs on the astral plane and you have your work with the bureau. I don’t want to come off as smothering. I know you can handle yourself.But  I just want you to have an easy way to contact me in an emergency.” He hands Taako a tiny skull shaped ring. “It’s a specialized stone of far-speech, you just need to run your thumb over it and it’ll call me.”

 

He holds out his own hand, showing a matching ring on his finger. “I just thought a ring would look nice and be easiest to keep on hand.”

 

Taako smiles, taking the ring from Kravitz’s hand and slipping it on his finger. “I love it. Thank you so much.”

 

They talk more until their food comes. The night feels magical. It’s not necessarily special or any different than all the other times they had been together but he’s happy. Completely content.

 

Only one thing is bothering him, a strange feeling of being watched. He feels it coming from the direction of the park. He turns his head to look while Kravitz is talking at one point and almost drops his glass on the ground. He see’s Sazed looking at him.

 

“Taako, what’s wrong?” Kravitz asks, concern falling over his face.

 

Taako looks back at Kravitz, his eyes full of terror, “I think he’s out there.”

 

He whips his head to the side and tells Taako to point him out, Taako looks back and… doesn’t see anything. His whole body stiffens. “He’s not there.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yeah he’s… he’s just not there. Did I just imagine it?”

 

“Are you okay? Do you want to leave?”

 

He looks over at Kravitz and wrings his hands under the table, “No no, it’s fine I’m just sorry to worry you about nothing.” He puts on a smile, internally beating himself up over his momentary freak out.

 

He did just imagine it, didn’t he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fact, only reason i wrote the ring scene the way i did is because when i was re-reading this chapter i realized i couldn't not have kravitz be an embarrassed mess when he realizes he made it look like he was proposing to his boyfriend. i don't care if you're a bounty hunter for the literal goddess of death you're gonna get flustered at that shit


	8. Am I worth it?

Taako can’t stop admiring the ring on his finger. The small skull reminding him of the man he loves. Who knew a little trinket could warm his heart so much.

 

It’s a calming relief, having someone love you even when they know about the parts of yourself you hate. Kravitz knows him, really knows him, and it’s terrifying but beautiful all at once. He never thought he could be this happy. He never thought someone could love him even when they knew how damaged he was. Taako truly is the luckiest person in the world.

 

The last month has been long. Kravitz has been on an especially taxing and difficult job so he hasn’t had any real time to spend with Taako. Absence may make the heart grow fonder but it also makes having to wait for the handsome ass skeleton man to finish his work absolutely torturous. 

 

Taako has resisted the urge to call him. He doesn’t want to accidentally distract him at a vital moment. So he tries to distract himself from thinking of Kravitz. He smacks his hand on his forehead in a bit of embarrassment. Had you told Taako a year before he would be sitting on his bed, absolutely enamored with love for a man who loved him back he would have laughed. He never expected this is where he would end up.

 

He tries to think, best way to distract from love sickness is with food. He’ll make some ice cream and binge eat while watching bad movies on Fantasy Netflix. He checks the refrigerator and realizes there’s no milk. Fantasy Costco is most likely closed so only way to get any ice cream is by heading to Neverwinter and finding a 24 hour grocery store. 

 

Taako heads to the hanger, gets in a pod and heads to Neverwinter. Though he’d never admit it he’s done this a few times before. When you’re an elf and all rest can be gained through a simple meditation, nights can get boring if you can’t fall into a trance. 

 

Though it’s late, about 2:00am, there are still people, though very few people, walking the streets. The flickering street lights illuminate the town in a soft and hazy glow. Taako ducks into the first grocery store he can see is open and immediately begins roaming the aisles for where they kept the ice cream, eventually finding a large display presenting at least twenty four different flavours of Fantasy Ben and Jerry’s. 

 

He leans down and grabs four pints of various chocolate flavors. He drops the cartons into the basket hanging from his hand.  Nothing is better than brownie bites and chocolate chips to try and ignore the painful feeling of missing your boyfriend.

 

He quickly checks out and leaves. He has to get back to the bureau soon if he doesn’t want this to melt. Melted ice cream does not work well for a lovesick depression meal.

 

He walks down the street. Less people are out now, only some people staggering home from taverns and the occasional insomniac just wanting to get fresh air. He walks down the streets, eventually to a quiet lane filled with closed shops that leads to the outskirts of town. Though he could’ve called for one already summoning a pod in a crowded city, even at night, is never the best idea.

 

He walks slowly, taking in the fresh air and cool breeze. The moon has regulated temperature, it’s never necessarily too hot or cold at any given time so the natural feeling of being planetside is refreshing to say the least. The street lights illuminating the area give it an almost dreamlike feeling. Everything is still.

 

He stops for a moment, taking in the feeling. The cool night air  surrounding his body reminding him of…. goddamn he misses Kravitz. He’s never been this in love with someone and out of habit he can’t help but worry. He’s been showing his vulnerable side more often and to more people than before and the nagging feeling it’s all going to implode that’s eating at the back of his mind won’t go away no matter how much he want’s it to.

 

It may be something he has to learn to deal with. He keeps walking. Fantasy Netflix is sure to help him distract himself in his time of need.

 

Suddenly his ears twitch at the sound of footsteps behind him. He ignores it, assuming it’s just some drunk heading home after a night of getting smashed. But quickly the realizes this can’t be the case, the footsteps are too even. And suddenly they seem to pick up the pace. Taako begins to walk a bit faster, his hand tapping his bracer to call a pod. The footsteps behind him quicken again. Taako’s pace follows suit. He’s tapping his bracer furiously hoping that calling multiple times will make it come faster.

 

The footsteps behind him are now fast enough to be considered a run. Taako panics and casts blink before bolting down the street while in the ethereal plane. It’s a few minutes of running before he’s finally at the outskirts of Neverwinter, he’s finally calmed down enough to blink back to the material plane. His breath is heavy and he can feel himself shaking, running a hand through his hair. 

 

What the fuck kind of a person do you have to be to chase after a stranger in the middle of the night. That’s just fucking creepy. Taako jolts up when he hears the pod land. He silently berates himself for being so worked up and gets in. 

 

When he gets back to the dorm the ice cream is almost melted.

* * *

 

Angus leaves the pod, he’s never been angrier. He can’t believe… He’s so mad he can feel worked up tears dripping down his face. He wanders back to his room, thoughts rushing through his head. He needs to tell someone about what happened. Taako… should he even mention it to him?

 

Suddenly he runs into something, he takes a step back and can see Magnus staring at him. “Hey Ango what’s-” He freezes and kneels down to be at eye level with him. “What happened?”

 

Angus looks away, scowling, his fists clenched at his sides. He wants to scream and shout and punch that guy a second time. “Can we… can we talk somewhere else?”

 

“Yeah, yeah. We can talk at the dorm.” Magnus says, face still showing traces of worry. Though he and many others teased the kid a lot no one could say anyone genuinely hated him. Lucretia had practically made it unspoken bureau policy that a crying Angus must be comforted if spotted. They both head to the reclaimer suite. Angus sits at the table and Magnus goes to grab him a glass of water. He eventually sits down himself and waits for Angus to be ready to talk.

 

“I… I went planetside. I wanted to get Taako a present since I’ve been wanting to help him out in the little ways I can. I didn’t know what to get so I was just kind of… walking around Neverwinter.”

 

Magnus nods. “So you were browsing and?”

 

“A-And,” Angus sniffles, “And I went into a store and found this cookbook and really good baking supplies. I thought Taako would like that so I went to buy it. When I left the store I was walking down the street and someone put their hand on my shoulder. I turned around to greet them and ask what they needed and I saw a familiar man. I-I couldn’t place him at first.”

Angus is getting worked up again, he’s shaking. “Then he talked to me, he said ‘Hey kid,’” Angus begins in a mocking voice. ‘“ You need any help with those bags?’ I was suspicious for… for a second ‘cause I started getting a bad feeling about him. If I’d remembered him sooner I would’ve run.” He’s balling up his fists and angry tears are coming to his eyes again.

 

Magnus puts his hand on Angus’ shoulder. “Hey, Ango it’s okay.”

 

“It’s not okay!” Angus yells, finally releasing all of his pent up anger. “I’m the world's greatest detective. I should’ve realized… He was holding the bags and I wasn’t talking because I was trying to place him in my head. Then he talked again. ‘By the way, how’s Taako? You’re a friend of his right?’ His voice sounded familiar. I knew I met him before. I said ‘Yes sir, he’s my magical mentor. I would say we’re friends.’”

 

Angus is fuming and Magnus is obviously worrying. He has never seen Angus angry, let alone furious. He might have to ask Carey and Killian to back him up on finding and destroying this guy later.

 

“After that he smiled. It was creepy and he said, ‘Y’know, I used to be a really good friend of his but we lost touch. Do you know where he lives by any chance? I’d love to swing by and see him again, we’ve got a lot to catch up on.’ Then I remembered where I saw him.”

 

Angus clenches his eyes shut and slams his fists on the table before looking up at Magnus. “It was Sazed, the man who gave me that letter for Taako. He hurt him and I knew I had to do something to show him he needed to pay. This is the first time I’ve ever been glad most people treat me like a stupid kid when they don’t know me. I told him that Taako was really private so I’d have to whisper it to him. When he leaned down I punched him a hard as I could and said stay away from Taako or we  _ will _ make you regret what you did to him. He never saw it coming and was shocked. People around us started staring and he was so mad. I was scared but more angry than anything.”

 

Angus is yelling at this point, hot angry tears streaming down his face. “I should’ve done more! All I did was run and leave to come back to the bureau! I should’ve found a militia member and reported him or- or something! I barely did anything! It’s all my fault Taako even got that letter! I should’ve trusted my gut and destroyed it I-”

 

“Angus?”

 

Both Magnus and Angus’ heads snap up to look at the hallway.  There in the door frame stands Taako. His hand is covering his mouth, the other tangled in his hair. Tears are flowing down his face, his expression a mix of horror, shame, guilt and anger.

 

Angus’ face falls as he looks at Taako. Now looking worried instead of angry. He jumps down from his seat as fast as he can and is about to run over to Taako before the elf runs into his bedroom and slams the door. The click of the lock obviously showing he doesn’t want any company.

 

Angus is crying again. Magnus quickly runs up to him, scooping the kid up in his arms and trying to calm him down. “It’s okay Ango, Taako’s gonna be fine. He needs some alone time right now. You need to feel better too. I can take you to get some lunch. Does that sound okay buddy?”

 

Angus nods with no enthusiasm what so ever. Him and Magnus leave the dorm to go and get food. Taako sits in his room, mumbling into the ring on his finger, on the verge of a panic attack. A second later Kravitz arrives, rushing into the room to see the love of his life, or in this case death, practically catatonic. He keeps mumbling the words “It’s my fault, all my fault.” over and over.

 

Kravitz sits on the bed with him, Taako’s hands clenching into the fabric of his suit vest. He rests his head into the reapers chest and lets out all of his emotions. Kravitz can’t help but wonder how long it will be until he finds and murders the man who did this to Taako.

* * *

 

He thought the easy part was after he told the people in his life what happened. Taako never wanted this. He never wanted other people to have to worry.

 

Now he can’t fix it. No matter how much he wants to he can’t fix it. Magnus knows, Merle knows, Angus knows… Kravitz knows and it’s doing nothing but hurt them.

 

He wishes he could go back in time just for a moment. Kept himself from going shopping that day. He wishes he could have not read the letter or even just not have started his show. 

 

Taako tries to push these thoughts away. Kravitz loves him, Sazed is to blame, he did nothing wrong. He knows it’s true but just can’t convince himself. He’s tired, so so tired but he can’t rest without getting flash backs. 

 

He wants this to stop. He just wants it all to stop. He can act strong, he can act brave but he knows it’s hurting him. He knows he can’t escape it.

 

He’s in Neverwinter again. It’s cold, calm and peaceful again. The slight breeze flowing through his hair. The night is still and that’s all he can ask for. It’s comforting when it’s still and quiet and he feels safe. Like the world can’t hurt him no matter what.

 

The only thing that could make this moment better would be if Kravitz was here with him. If he was holding him and they sat in the beautiful silence together. Kravitz would say something ridiculously charming and dorky and Taako would laugh. Then Kravitz would kiss him and his heart would stop and he’d feel like he was the most special person in the entire world.

 

He loves him so much, it hurts. It hurts that he has to subject him to staying with him. His head is swirling, swimming with anxiety, doubt, guilt and shame. Kravitz deserves better than a burden like him. He deserves someone better. He’s only here out of pity and because he’s too good of a person to leave.

 

Taako loves Kravitz so much. He can’t believe a man so perfect would love him back.

 

He gets up from the bench he’s seated on. He’s exhausted, drained completely of all feeling. He starts to walk, not taking in his surroundings. Not listening to anything, not feeling anything or even really seeing anything other than vague hazy outlines. He’s just blank. 

 

Then a hand clasps over his mouth and he can feel cold steel pressing to his throat. His whole body goes rigid, he can’t move as he’s dragged into an alleyway. His eyes are wide, staring right into the ones he can never forget. He wants to scream, only a terrified whimper coming out, the hand over his mouth still keeping him from speaking. “Looks like I’ve found you.” Sazed smiles, his voice dark and low. “And you’re not going anywhere this time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd like to thank everyone who's commented on this story. honestly like i don't know how to handle compliments at all since i've got crazy bad self esteem issues so it makes me flustered as hell. basically what i'm saying is thank you all for allowing me to share something very personal and receiving it so positively. when i posted the first chapter i was so afraid i'd be drowning in waves of hate but you have no idea how weird it is to have people like something i've made that connects deeply to myself. i'm admittedly still worried the hate is gonna come but every time i read a comment left here it's always so sweet and kind and leaves me as a flustered mess for like 25 minutes cause i can't believe people like this, that you like something i made.
> 
> thank you so much and i hope after this is over i can give you all more content to enjoy in the vein of the adventure zone. i love you guys 
> 
> -cards


	9. Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was rough to write... just aaaaaaaaagh flashbacks and trauma is a bitch to deal with but now that it's done i'm actually kind of happy i finished it? just lots of stuff in this chapter really caused a bit of turmoil for me but i didn't want you guys to have to wait forever for this. i actually probably would've gotten it out sooner if i hadn't had a spur of the moment visit from family i haven't seen for 2 years. (long story short my cousins are adorable)
> 
> trigger warnings for this chapter : violence, attempted rape/non-con and sexual assault stay safe out there

It had been a long day at work for him. Liches trying to hold onto the material plane, necromancers raising armies of the dead, and even just some souls who couldn’t move on. Kravitz’s job is hard. There’s no doubt about that but it’s fulfilling work. He’s tired and in a loving mood, nothing could make him happier than laying with Taako. His arms wrapped around him and feeling the rise and fall of his chest. It’s so different, feeling the heat from his body, his breath. Things he could but no longer needed to experience creating such a stark difference between them that never drew them apart. 

 

Kravitz is in love with everything about Taako. His only wish is to help him see why. To give him everything he’s ever deserved and treat him like the miracle he is.

 

He practically colapses into his desk chair when he enters his office. He’s exhausted and just wants to talk to Taako. Call him, to make sure he’s okay, he’s been through so much recently. With every ounce of his being he wishes he could find Sazed. It’s not like he hasn’t tried. He’s asked leniency of the Raven Queen to add Sazed to his bounty list just so he can tell Taako everything is taken care of. That he’ll never be hurt again.

 

She’s rejected his request each time but always tries to comfort him. “Kravitz you are my most loyal bounty hunter and you know you have my favor. However, you know I can not go against the order of things. Istus and I are here to keep the balance and we both have bent the rules to the logical limit of how far they can go without breaking. Those boy who are guided by her hand have been allowed to stay living by not going against the course of fate, it is their truth to have their souls remain active on the material plane until their true and final times come. This is within the limits of the rules, though not following them exactly it does not break them either. I understand why you wish for it to be changed in this circumstance but I am not to alter the fate of mortals no matter how despicable they may be. I too would do anything for the one I love but it truly is not simple. Know it is not without a heavy heart I refuse your request either. I have seen countless beings come to my plane who has suffered from the torture of creatures such as the man you are after. Believe me when I promise you his retribution will all come in due time. By my word and that of Lady Istus I promise you these problems you face will be solved soon.”

 

He leaned down into his chair. A hand resting on his eyes. When you’re virtually immortal ‘soon’ can never come fast enough.

 

A buzzing breaks him from his thoughts. He faces the source of the noise seeing his stone of far-speech rumbling slightly on his desk. It indicated he had been called. Many times in fact.

 

There were messages Kravitz could expect on his stone of far-speech. Angus was a given. The child was practically Taako’s adoptive son making Kravitz his… other dad? Fathers boyfriend? Well whatever the case it made him a part of Angus’ family. Somethings were unusual but weren’t too out of the ordinary. Magnus calling normally meant Taako needed some assistance but was too worried to call himself or he just wanted to see if Kravitz could pass a message on to his late wife. Magnus was a good person, Kravitz could bend the rules again. It’s not like he hadn’t before with Taako and his friends. Merle calling him was concerning. Normally he tried to keep confrontation to a minimum with him since he sort of is the reason he has one arm.

 

All three calling on the same day had never happened before. He may not have payed any mind if all the messages hadn’t been within five minutes of one another. This was nothing less than worrying. 

 

He quickly calls Angus back. Knowing him he’s with Merle and Magnus and he can reach all of them with one call. There is no hesitation between him tuning to Angus’ channel and him hearing the kid’s voice. “Kravitz! Please you need to come over now! We can’t find Taako.”

 

He opens a rift with no hesitation. The second he steps out nothing but questions are flooding out of his mouth. “What happened? Have you called him? Is he okay?”

 

Taako had been gone since early that morning. He left only a note saying he would be home at 9:00pm. Angus, Merle and Magnus were concerned but convinced they needed to leave Taako to his own devices. They didn’t want to stress him out more than he already was. Then Taako had called saying he would be home soon. 

 

That was over an hour ago and now everyone is ready to find him.

 

When Kravitz hears this he doesn’t move. He doesn’t blink. He doesn’t do anything. A terrible knot in the pit of his stomach telling him something is wrong. Something is very wrong and he needs to fix it  _ now _ .

 

Kravitz’s scythe is summoned in a split second. He sharply grips it turning his head slightly to the side, the group behind him feeling a collective chill run down their spines at his expression. Though they know it’s not directed at them it still is terrifying. There is no greater fear than seeing death ready to commit murder. His face is not a skull, but his eyes are glowing, red irises burning like fire. “Where did he say he went.”

 

The second they say Neverwinter a tear is ripped open in front of Kravitz. He darts through the second he can, Magnus, Merle and Angus following directly after.

 

They are going to find Taako and make sure he comes home.

* * *

“Welcome to the new caravan.” Sazed says, kicking in the door. The knife is still held close to Taako’s throat and he can’t breathe in the slightest. He’s taking short huffs of air through his nose, eyes scrunched tight. Sazed’s hand is still held tight against Taako’s mouth, though he honestly doesn’t know if he could talk even if he wanted to. He doesn’t feel like he’s in his body.

 

Sazed smiles, pulling Taako up and closer to himself. “I know, I know. Nothing like it was when we were on the road. I can at least promise the bed is much more comfortable than the one we used to have.”

 

He’s crying. Fuck, why does he always cry? He tells himself he should be used to this by now. This is just how his life goes for him. This is how it always goes. He can feel Sazed wipe his tears away, laughing when he tries to pull away. “Aw honey, why’re you so upset? I should be the one upset when you’re avoiding me. I mean do you know how much it hurts when you just run? Or how it fucking stung when that brat you know punched me in the jaw. Really, I don’t know what you told him to make him hate me so much.”

 

He leads him over to the bed, laying him down softly. He finally takes his hand away and Taako speaks, “If you’re going to try and kill me again… just do it already…”

 

“Again?” He feigns confusion for a second, completely mocking Taako, “Oooh, you mean your show? So you did figure it out.”

 

“Why… Why the fuck are you like this?” Taako croaks out.

 

“Why? You’re asking why I’m like this? Babe, you know I’ve always been like this. Don’t act like you don’t love it. I get you tried to move on but how could you when I was the best thing to ever happen to you.” He starts bringing both of Taako’s wrists above his head, pinning them there with one hand. “Besides, now that I’m back you don’t have to whore yourself out to that skeleton fuck anymore. Now it’s just us again.”

 

He leans forward and smashes his lips into Taako’s. He tries to break his wrists away but Sazed pushes down harder. “I’ve been planning this for a long time babe. When I saw you again I knew I had to have you back no matter what.” He rips Taako’s shirt, “You’re gonna love this. I still remember all the things that make you squirm.”

 

Taako breathes heavily and closes his eyes before thrusting his knee up into Sazed’s stomach, effectively knocking the wind out of him enough to get out from underneath him. Sazed lets out a groan as he rolls over. Taako falls off the bed onto his feet and scrambles to try and get up, everything is blurry. His head is spinning. 

 

He’s so disoriented he just screams. Not even realizing he’s screaming for Kravitz. 

 

Sazed slowly pulls himself up off the ground, knife in hand and looks at Taako. “So this is how you’re gonna play tonight huh you fucking slut? I think I need to set some rules then so you don’t keep doing this.” He grips a fistful of Taako’s hair and yanks it back, nearly tearing it from his head. Taako let’s out a cry of pain. “ Rule one,” He tugs Taako back to the bed. “You can scream, just no screaming anyone's name unless it’s mine.”

 

Sazed takes of his belt and wraps it around Taako’s wrists. “Two, you’re not going to fuck with me like that again unless you don’t want me to be so nice.” He kisses Taako’s neck. Taako flinches back and feels absolutely disgusting. “And three, you’re gonna show me just how much you love it, how you love what I do to you.”

 

Sazed brings the knife up between them, “Trust me baby, it’s not gonna be pretty if you ignore my rules.” He shoves his hands into Taako’s pockets, “Just have to do one last thing before we get started.” He pulls out the stone of far-speech. “Can’t have you using one of these. Now it can be just us and no one else.” He tosses the stone over his shoulder, it clattering when it hits the floor.

 

He kisses down Taako’s neck, biting at him and making him whimper in pain. “I’m so glad I was able to track you down. You’ve really been keeping up with your looks. I honestly thought this was gonna be harder than it was. It’s nice you’re so predictable though. I only ever saw you anywhere but Neverwinter once. It made sense to just set up camp here when I realized that.” His hands trace over Taako’s body, grabbing his hips and squeezing. “You looked gorgeous in Goldcliff though. Too bad you were having dinner with your fuck buddy. I would’ve gotten you to myself that night.”

 

Taako stiffens, Goldcliff. Goldcliff was where Kravitz gave Taako his ring for emergencies. Sazed doesn’t know he can still call Kravitz. He flexes his fingers at where they are above his head and rubs his thumb over the skull ring, trying to be as unnoticeable as possible. He’s needs Kravitz to hear this.

 

Sazed forces his tongue into Taako’s mouth and his hand down Taako’s skirt. “I’m going to take it slow tonight baby. I know you liked it when I took my time.”

 

Taako just sits there. Everything feels like it’s moving in slow motion. He’s trying to disassociate, do what he used to do when this would happen. Try to ignore reality and just hope he doesn’t get hurt.

 

His eyes are shut tight. The weight above him shifts down and he takes in a large breath trying to keep himself calm. Trying to prepare for what will come next.

 

“Taako?” His eyes snap open and he looks up, above him Sazed is kissing and biting his neck but Taako can see behind Sazed is Kravitz. He tries to call out to him but all he can do is let out a pained whimper as Sazed bites down hard drawing blood before pulling away.

 

“We don’t need any company. Get the fuck out of here before I make you regret interrupting me.” Sazed growls over his shoulder.

 

The sharp look of anger Taako can see on Kravitz’s face is making him shrink back in shame. He doesn’t want Kravitz to see him like this. Kravitz’s hand strikes down, ripping Sazed off of Taako and throwing him across the caravan. He speaks, no accent to his voice but it has never been more intimidating, “Get up.”

 

Sazed grabs his knife and rushes at Kravitz. He doesn’t even graze him as Kravits swiftly moves out of the way. Sazed is snarling, fury written on his face. “I’m gonna  _ fucking _ kill you!” 

 

“I promise you, if anyone dies tonight it’s going to be you.” His eyes are on fire.

 

Sazed lets out a laugh, “You’d really go through all of this for some cheap bitch? I get you like he fucks well-” Kravitz extends his arm and his scythe appears. He swings it at Sazed cutting him across the chest who jolts back in shock and stumbles into a wall.

 

Kravitz grabs him by the collar of his shirt, yanking him up and growling in his face. For the first time in his life Sazed knows what it’s like to feel helpless. He tries to stand his ground, “Cheap shot, goddamn coward.”

 

Kravitz punches Sazed in the nose and just starts beating him until he’s on the floor and bleeding. Sazed spits at him, “Fuck you.”

 

Kravitz leans down, face flickering between skeletal and flesh forms as he kicks Sazed in the ribs, him letting out a pained groan, “Stop, god stop.”

 

“How many times,” Kravitz muttered.

 

Sazed looked up “What the hell are you talking about?”

 

Kravitz picks him up and slams his skull into the floor. “How many times did Taako ask you, beg you to stop when you were abusing him, when you were raping him? How many times did he cry and scream those same words? How many times did you ignore him?”

 

Sazed isn’t speaking. Kravitz stabs his scythe into his side and he cries out in pain, “Just kill me.”

 

“No.” Kravitz says.

 

Sazed groans, “Why not?I know you want to.”

 

“Because I’m going to let you suffer. I want you to hurt just as much as he did. I want you endure the rest of your worthless existence on this plane knowing if you ever go near him again I will not hesitate to find you and beat you until you bleed out.” Kravitz kneels down grabbing Sazed’s face in his hand, “Besides if I did kill you don’t think you’d be free from punishment. The Raven Queen will judge you for your sins and when she does I will personally make sure you feel nothing but agony until the end of time.” He bashes Sazed’s head into the floor, knocking him out cold.

 

He’s breathing heavily and turns to look at Taako. He’s laying there, head turned slightly to Kravitz and streams of tears covering his face, “H-Hey thug mind untying a guy?” Taako dryly laughs, trying to look unaffected and failing miserably.

 

Kravitz can’t run over to him fast enough. He quickly frees Taako and takes off his suit jacket draping it over his shoulders. Kravitz gingerly scoops him up in his arms and holds him gently. “Magnus, Merle and Angus are getting the militia right now. He’s never coming near you again.”

 

They leave the caravan and sit quietly in the cold of the night until a militia wagon arrives. Taako doesn’t speak and barely moves on his own until they bring him back to the bureau. “I’m gonna go get clean.” He mutters, stumbling into the bathroom. He catches Kravitz’s gaze before entering the room and after a moment of hesitation motions for him to follow. Taako doesn’t want to bother him but he really needs Kravitz now more than ever before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is going to have just a bunch of fluff and emotions and talking. it's also gonna be our last chapter for this fic. i'm really glad you've all been enjoying this and i know i say it almost every chapter but thank you, your support really means the world to me and i can't help but cry whenever i read all the sweet fucking comments on this fic. i never expected this vent project get so much love and it still is unbelievable to me. i hope you all like the next fics i post because i already have a lot of ideas. 
> 
> also shout out to nesswrites and their fic refractory. i'm absolutely in love with it and can't stop rereading the chapters that are out so far and i highly recommend it.


	10. Resolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit it's the end. i really hope you all enjoy the last chapter. it's pretty short but i wanted to keep it short sweet and to the point. thank you all again for enjoying this fan fiction, it means so much to me that this vent project could be something people would enjoy and i'm so excited to give you all more content in the future. i love you all. please enjoy

Kravitz starts a bath for Taako. As the steam rises from the water Taako takes off the suit jacket around him and shrugs off the torn shirt. He looks at the fabric that tumbles to the floor and just stares. He tries to shake off the pain rising in his chest before he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Bites cover his shoulders, his makeup is smeared, his hair a mess and dark bruises cover his sides and wrists. Kravitz puts a hand on his shoulder and Taako immediately jolts up.

Kravitz quickly retracts his hand and Taako slowly turns to him. “The bath is ready. I’ll be waiting in your bedroom.” He says softly.

 

“No!” Taako looks up at him with panic and shouts. He grips onto Kravitz’s arm tightly. “I… Stay here, please.” His grip slowly loosens. 

 

Kravitz just nods as he helps Taako into the bath. Steam slowly rises and fills the room. Taako dips his hair into the water and takes a deep shaking breath. “I feel gross. Really, really fucking gross.” He lets out a long sigh, pulling a lock of hair behind his ear. They sit in silence while Kravitz washes Taako’s hair and cleans up the bites on his shoulders. Taako lets out a hiss at the stinging feeling when water flows over the marks.

 

They eventually both leave the bathroom, Taako shuffling to his room and throwing on the first clothes he sees. He flops down on the bed face first before rolling over on his side. 

 

He looks at the dark marks on his wrists and can feel tears welling up in his eyes for what feels like the thousandth time that day. “I’m sorry you have to see me like this. I should’ve been on the lookout for anything, it’s my fault this-”

 

“Stop.” Kravitz says sitting next to him, “You did absolutely nothing wrong.  _ I’m _ sorry I didn’t get there sooner.”

 

“Don’t you  _ fucking  _ dare say sorry Kravitz!” Taako yells, looking at him with an face of overwhelming guilt. “You don’t get to say sorry when you’re the one who kicked that monster’s ass. You got there as soon as you could and I don’t want you to feel bad I got myself into another shitty situation. I don’t want you to hurt because of me!”

 

Kravitz puts his hand on Taako’s, “Do you think I hurt because of you?”

 

He slowly nods his head. “It happens. Things I do get the people around me into shitty situations. I worry that when you realize that you’ll leave me for good.”

 

“Hey,” Kravitz says, giving a light squeeze to Taako’s hand, “I won’t leave you. None of this is your fault and none of this is going to change my opinion of you. I wanted to get there as soon as I could. I’m upset he hurt you and I didn’t get there soon enough to stop him from even coming near you.”

 

“I’m glad you got there at all. I don’t even want to think about what he was going to do.” Taako says, looking up at Kravitz. “I hate that I froze up and didn’t defend myself. I try so hard to not let it affect me but no matter what I do I’m still afraid of him. I don’t know what’s wrong with me Krav, I’m just pathetic.” The tears finally spill over.

 

“You are nowhere close to being pathetic Taako.” Kravitz rests his hand on Taako’s knee. “You’ve been through so much and you still do what you can not only to help the world but the people you love. The only one who is pathetic in this situation is him. Sazed is pathetic for forcing himself on you and for even entertaining the idea he has any worth as a person. You are the strongest person I have ever known.”

 

He holds Taako close to himself, slowly stroking his back in a soothing manor. “I love you so much. I promise I will do everything I can to make sure you understand that.”

 

Taako shifts closer to Kravitz, “What did I do to deserve you?”

 

Kravitz pulls apart from Taako, holding his face tenderly in his hands and brushing away his tears with his thumb, “You were yourself.”

 

Taako practically lunges at Kravitz, kissing him with an overwhelming sense of need and shakily crying. “I love you so fucking much you nerd. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

 

Kravitz laughs, holding him close and peppering his face with gentle kisses, “I’ll always be here.”

 

They just sit there for a long time, both staring into each other's eyes. Taako finally breaks the silence, “I’m never going to be able to thank you enough for what you did tonight. I never would have thought anyone would ever… would ever defend me like that. I was so worried I wasn’t going to see you again, that he’d kill me and you’d think I left. Then I remembered the ring and I just knew I needed you.”

 

They both lay down on the bed, Taako snuggling into Kravitz arms. “It was nice seeing him be scared. Seeing him know what it feels like to hurt. I know this probably sounds fucked up but.... but I really want him dead.”

 

Kravitz speaks up, “You have the right. He put you through so much and that feeling is completely justified. I’ve already asked the Raven Queen to give me his bounty when the time comes. He’s in no way done with me or done paying for his sins.”

 

Taako smiles. They talk for a long time after about simple and complex things and growing ever closer. It takes a while but eventually Taako drifts off into a trance. Meanwhile Kravitz stays awake and alert, ready to wake him at the first sign of any night terrors. He is almost ready to wake him up when he hears Taako whimper and mumble Sazed's name. Right before he can wake him he hears Taako mutter something else, his face showing off a smile as he mumbles, "Now Krav is gonna kick your sorry ass." Kravitz smiles and whispers "I'll always be here to kick his ass." before he places a gentle kiss on Taako’s forehead, preparing in his mind how to make the next day the start to a new and happier chapter of Taako’s life.


End file.
